


Push Me Away (And It Hurts)

by ghostly_perfection



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU Where Draco is Shorter Than Harry LOL, Anal Sex, And That He'll Ruin Harry's Goodness, Angst, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Depressed Draco Malfoy, Depression, Draco Avoids Harry Because He's A Death Eater And He Thinks He's Completely Disgusting, Draco Malfoy Cuts Himself, Draco Malfoy Has Issues, Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings, Drarry, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Gay Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Just Doesn't Deserve This, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Minor Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson, Minor Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Other Additional Tags to Be Added?, PANSY HAS A KILLER FASHION SENSE, POV Draco Malfoy, Panic Attacks, Past/Current Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, REALLY Bottom Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Sad, Shame, Shock, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempts, Top Harry Potter, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Virgin Harry Potter, harry loses it, stress smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 30,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24989491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostly_perfection/pseuds/ghostly_perfection
Summary: Draco and Harry are happy. They’re together, and they love each other. But when Draco goes home for Christmas, he gets his Dark Mark. Draco decides he isn’t good enough for Harry anymore, and pushes him away. Of course, it hurts like hell, and Draco cries a lot. Like; A. Lot. So does Harry, but Harry, being Harry, gets on with his life. Goes and snogs Ginny. Tries to forget about it. But he can’t. What happens when Draco goes into a serious depression, and attempts suicide? Can Harry put him back together again? Can they work past the thing that is the reason Draco pushed Harry away for two months? Most of all, WILL THEY END UP TOGETHER AGAIN?Lots of angst ;)But also fluffy (cuz I’m a sucker for fluff)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 296
Kudos: 346





	1. The Dark Mark

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Guys! Welcome to my fic! It's going to be long, and I swear to God I will do everything in my power to finish it. I already have it planned out, and it should all come together. SO, BEFORE WE START THIS! WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CuTTING YOURSELF, AND DEPRESSION ARE SOMETHING YOU CAN'T/SHOULDN'T READ!!!! Really, turn back now if that make you uncomfortable/triggers you. So, after that dreary warning, welcome to my sad little fic where Draco and Harry are super happy, Draco gets his dark mark and feels like he is complete fucking shit, and pushed Harry away. LOTS OF ANGST. Anyway, enjoy!

“Mmmm… Are you sure that I have to go?” I ask Harry, my face an inch from his. 

His warm breath fanned out across my face, and I closed my eyes. “Yes…” I give a tiny sigh. “Do I have to? Why can’t I just spend Christmas here at Hogwarts?” Harry just shook his head a bit, and then replied, “You always spend Christmas with your parents. How would they react if you said, “Hey Mom and Dad, I want to spend Christmas at Hogwarts for the first time ever because I’m dating Harry Potter. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that. The fact that I’m gay as fuck  _ and  _ I’m dating the Chosen One.” I scowled and leaned in to kiss Harry. He responds immediately, as always, and slips his tongue into my mouth. I graze his bottom lip with my teeth, and he pushes me into the wall. I have a quick flashback to my first time with him. 

_ I latched my leg over Harry's hip, and he slowly pushed his cock into my entrance. I pushed my face into his shoulder, and bit my tongue. I knew it was going to hurt, and I wasn't sure what it would feel like. Would it be a dull ache, or a concentrated pain? He pushed in a bit further, and I felt the sting. It wasn't bad, but it hurt. But it also felt like ecstasy. I could feel Harry holding back, pushing in slowly, and then stopping. He was caring for me, and not just slamming into me. Eventually, after what felt like years, he reached the end. He slowly pulled out, and thrust back into me. It was gentle and slow. It was exactly what I needed. The sting was still there, and I though that I could hear the tearing. It hurt. I'm going to get through it. This is what I've wanted for a long time, and I finally got it. When I think back to when these were only fantasies, nothing more, I was always the one being fucked. I always knew I wanted to be bottom. It was more my speed. Everyone assumed that I would be dominant, but that was defiantly not the case. I think it had something to do with my irrational fear that Harry wouldn't want me, or he would reject me. Harry was the one to initiate the contact, for the most part. But I had gotten more comfortable, and I had become more outspoken.  _

_ Harry rocked into me, and it felt so good. I moaned, and Harry paused. "Are you okay? Do you want me to keep going?" he asked me softly, his voice concerned. I nodded quickly, and said, "Faster." My voice was shaking, and it came out more like a plea, rather than a command. Oh fuck, what has Harry done to me. _

_ Harry obliged, thrusting harder. He pushed in and out, rocking against me quickly. From what I've read, (From me being a gay disaster) Harry was good. I had nothing to judge it by, but I knew instinctively that he was better than your average. Oh, fuck yes. Eventually I hit my peak, and I felt the pleasure rock my body- _

I was snapped out of it by Harry grabbing my leg and slinging in over his hip. It took all of my self-control to not start humping him. 

"We should go... the train is leaving soon." I jutted out my lower lip and pouted shamelessly, and Harry smirked. He detached himself from me, and I crossed my arms. His smirk widened, and he leaned in and gave me what was meant to be a short kiss. My hands immediately went to his hair, rooting him to the spot. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, and pulled his body onto mine. Harry lost himself in the kiss, but eventually had the sense to pull away. "Come on, Draco. We have to go. You'll miss the train." 

I gave him a dramatic sigh, and cast a levitation charm on my trunk. I started to storm out of the room, but not before grabbing Harry's hand to drag him alone with me. Oh, I am  _ completely  _ hopeless. I can't even make a dramatic exit without grabbing my boyfriend. I'm so needy. We eventually made it to the train station in Hogsmeade. It was filled with students, all chatting, and some were clutching there cats so hard I thought that they might die of suffocation. Harry leaned down and kissed me quickly, not making a scene of it. I pulled him into a hug, and he whispered, "I'll miss you. But I'll make due for a bit. See you soon. Enjoy Christmas with your parents." I pushed my mouth up to his ear and whispered, "I'll miss you, so much, baby." I stopped, unsure of what to say. "I wish I didn't have to go." I muttered under my breath. Harry gave me one of his famous smiles, and said, "Enjoy it. Not everyone lives in a mansion." I smirked a bit, and then I heard the boarding call for the train. Harry leaned in to kiss me once more, squeezed me hard, and then stepped back. I got on the train with a sad smile. I got into a compartment towards the back, hoping no one else would decide to come in. I stared out the window. My thoughts were running along the lines of  _ Harry, Harry, and more Harry.  _ I was also thinking about how if I had stayed, we probably would have fucked so much that I couldn't walk.

* * *

I walked into the manor, looking around. I had forgotten how big it was. Harry was right. I am a lucky fucker. I through the house, and a house elf came and took my trunk upstairs, presumably to my bedroom. I strolled through the many rooms in the house, vaguely heading towards my mother's favorite sitting room. I walked through a room full of big oil painting. I knew that they were priceless, and we had at least ten the room. I don't think that you can get much richer than that. Harry's made me realize just how good I have it. I open the door to the dark sitting room that my mother spends most of her time in. It's a big room, all dark and made of dark blues, reds, and blacks. It has a huge fireplace, and I have yet to see it _not_ have a fire blazing inside it. It has a long, low-backed sofa, and many armchairs. When I walk in, I'm surprised as to what I find. My mother is standing by a wall, and my father is standing by a armchair close to the fire. My Aunt Bella is also there. More dark figures are crowded by that high-back, dark red armchair. I make out one of their faces to be one of my father's friends. 

" _Oh!_ Draco! _So_ nice of you to show up!" my aunt said quickly, in her high-pitched, girly, over-excited manner. I nodded at her, still unsure of what I was seeing. I pushed my face into a cold mask. My father turned and faced me, as did my mother. When I looked at my mother's face I gave a small gasp. It wasn't audible, but I did it anyway. There were dark circles under my mother's eyes, and her face was creased with a worried and pained expression. "Draco." my father drawled in his cold manner, his eyes blank. I nodded, walking closer. "We have a very esteemed guest here, today." I nodded again. The tension was so thick in the air you could feel it. Everyone was tense, except for my Aunt Bella. She was smiling, seemingly excited. I wondered again who was in the chair, but I kept silent. I was polite, like I was taught to be. Then, a high, cold, voice broke the silence. "Draco." I felt dread wash over me in a wave. _No. NO. No, no, no. It can't be. It isn't._

"Draco. The highest honor, as you know, is to join the Dark Lord. Today, it is your time to do that." I feel the need to leave, to run, to get _out,_ hit me like I've ran into a brick wall. I nod slowly. _This can't be happening. No. No no no. I don't want this. But if I refuse..._

My though is cut off by the cold voice. "It is an _honor,_ Draco, for me to except you at sixteen. No one has had the privilege of this for a _long_ time. You are special, Draco. I believe you are ready. Or, of course, if you refuse, I will kill you. So, I suppose it's this or death... Or I suppose your parents would satisfy my need to kill, too. Your choice, Draco." 

So this is what this is. Blackmail. I don't want this. But, no. My family must not die. _I_ must not die. I won't allow it. My mother's expression is so full of pain. I want to free her of that expression. 

My Aunt goes as far to say "This is of the _highest_ honor, Draco. You should be running over here to get your mark! There is no refusing the Dark Lord." I just stand there. It stays like this, and then there is a soft hissing noise. I watch as a huge snake glides to the armchair. Oh. It's Nagini. The Dark Lord's snake. I nod stiffly after a bit. It's Death Eaterism or death. I want to live. But I don't want to become a disgusting Death Eater. I walk over to the armchair, and my father smiles. "Good, Draco," the Dark Lord says. "You have made the right decision." Auntie Bella gives a high-pitched squeal. " _Good,_ Draco! _So_ good." she spits out in her insane voice. I kneel down in front of the chair. I don't make direct eye contact with the Dark Lord, but I watch as he draws his wand. I glance over at my Mother, and her expression is pained as ever. I glance at my Father, who's expression is blank. Auntie Bellatrix's is excited. The Dark Lord pushes up my sleeve. His hands are cold, and I want to recoil instantly. It takes all of my will to stay were I am. I am replaced by a blank numbness, there is nothing in my heart. It's like my insides are filled with ice. The Dark Lord puts his wand to my left forearm. My last thought before the pain is _'What about Harry.'_


	2. I'm Not Good Enough

I was staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. 

It felt like I was drowning in emotions.

Or more so shadows of them.

I'm numb inside.

I fucked up. Bad.

I can't ever fix it.

Harry will have to kill me.

_Harry._

Harry's the fucking Chosen One. He's the one who'll destroy Voldemort. Who will put all of the Death Eaters in Azkaban, or kill them. 

He'll have to kill me.

My boyfriend will have to kill me.

I'm going to have to break up with him. 

And it'll kill me.

Literally.

Is there a point of living anymore?

Harry's out of my life.

He's going to kill me.

I'm on the wrong side of a war.

Just so I don't die.

I'm a coward.

I'll have to break up with Harry.

But that will mean hurting his feelings.

Which I swore I would never do.

And it will mean talking to him.

Which I've also sworn to never do.

My disgusting, fucking, badness will rub off on his innocent, pure, goodness. 

Why me.

* * *

These are the thoughts that run through my head. Constantly.

I just want to end it at this point. 

I'm laying in my gigantic bed, in my cold, empty, room, that is dark and dank and damp and most of all cold. 

I don't think that I'll ever be warm again. 

A house elf came into my room. 

He set a tray on the nightstand next to my bed, bowed, and then scurried out. I looked over and found that it was steak, potatoes, and broccoli. There was a goblet, and a fork, knife, and spoon. 

_A knife._

Maybe I can feel better about this. 

Just maybe.

I reach over and pick up the knife. I wince as I stretch the skin on my left arm. 

Where the Dark Mark is freshly burned in. 

It stings, and is raw and red and screams _fresh._

It reminds me every single day what I've done. 

I pick up the knife, and lay back down. I push up my right sleeve. I haven't taken off my pajamas my mother put me in after I passed out that day. I can't look at the skin on my left arm. I haven't looked at the Dark Mark. So that means I haven't showered in three days. (I normally shower every day.) I stare at my left arm for long periods of time, though. It switches between that and the ceiling. 

I place the knife at my wrist, and press down. I drag it up, and when I meet my elbow I stop. 

It's satisfying, cutting. I watch the blood drip down my arm and onto the black sheets. No one will notice the stain. I feel the pain, and I enjoy, almost. I feel like I got what I deserve. I do it again. And again. And again, again, again, again. 

I keep doing it until my whole arm is full of blood and angry red marks. 

This is what I deserve. 


	3. Christmas At The Malfoy's

I'd forgotten about Christmas. Wasn't that the whole reason that I came back to my fucking house? 

I feel like it should be canceled. I mean, _who the fuck wants to celebrate when their whole life is crashing down around them?_

Definitely not me, that's who. 

I mean, I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. (I may forget it at times, though...) But really. Come on. I just got added to the biggest group of fucking bullies. Against my fucking will. 

I'm probably saying 'fuck' too much. My mother has drilled it into me for _years_ that I shouldn't swear. But I don't fucking care. 

I've gotten a bit better. I've gotten to the point where I can eat a bit, sleep a bit. No more than two hours, though. Mostly a mix between nightmares, memories, (Mostly of being deflowered) and, well, just Harry. Mostly nightmares that involve Harry, though. Fuck. 

I still haven't changed my pajamas. Did I mention that they're Harry's? Well, I suppose I've been too suicidal to think about my pajamas. Fuckity fuck fuck. Sometimes, if I close my eyes, I can almost smell the warm smell that is Harry. It's hard to explain, it's just warm. I want to wrap myself in a blanket of it. My pajamas don't smell like him, though, no matter how hard I try to imagine it. I stole this weeks ago. I don't honestly know why my Mother grabbed these certain ones. They're the red and gold of Gryffindor. But I don't give a fuck as to _why_ she grabbed them. (Or maybe a house elf dressed me.) I just care about the fact that they're _Harry's._ I think I might have to live off of all the things I've stolen from him. _His tie, his jumper, his pj's, his pillow case, (Don't ask about that) his quills, one of his Weasley sweaters..._

Fuck. I'm going to be a completely lost cause once I break up with Harry...

I really, _really,_ am not looking forward to that. 

I don't want to break him. Or me. Or lose him. 

That's really all that I have to live for. 

Shoulda just died. 

_Harry would rather have you alive like this than dead, fucker,_ a small voice said in the back of my head. 

_Doesn't he live to kill the Dark Lord? I'm one of his fucking cronies. Yep, better off dead._

I've been thinking about how I'm going to break up with him. I don't want to come back and kiss him, make him think things are fine. But I don't want to break up with him the second I see him. So... I could... I could...

Maybe I should just avoid him. That seems like the best option. Much better than my other choices...

It'll hurt. A lot. For the both of us. I think it will hurt me more, though. He has a life. And a gigantic hero complex. And a saving people thing. And friends. And a bunch of girls that would marry him in and heartbeat. (Don't think about that, Draco...) And a house. And any career he wants. Anything he really wants, he can get. Because he's our savior. I know he'll be the one to do Voldemort in, if anyone can. (I'm starting to think it's impossible, though...) And the fact that you can throw anything at Harry, and he'll get over it, with time. 

And I'll be left with my parents and I will be a fucking follower of the person who is going to tear the world down for power and no will to live. 

The odds aren't in my favor. 

I fall asleep to these thoughts.

I wake the next morning to a pile of presents stacked at the end of the bed. I stare at them, willing them to be things that mean something to me, instead of the fucking expensive garbage I always get. I remember Harry telling me about the normal presents that he gets, and they're things like chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, fudge, socks, and books. And his personal favorite has always been his Weasley sweater. He wears it every chance he gets, I swear. 

I swear on my life I would die to be a normal kid who gets normal things and has a normal family that doesn't roll around in gold and they aren't worried about table manners and parties, but playing Quidditch in the backyard and doing housework. 

I crawl over to my pile of presents, sighing. I dig through them, looking for names that aren't _Mother and Father_ and _Auntie Bella._

I find what I'm looking for eventually. I rip open the letter on the top open violently, and I watch as the letter falls to the floor. I stare at it, recognizing Harry's handwriting quickly. I think I know it better than my own. My hand darts down to grab it, and I read it quickly. 

_Hey, Draco._

_We miss you back here at Hogwarts. It's pretty dull without you here. Hope you're having a good time at your house._

_Mrs. Weasley didn't know the address of the manor, so she asked me to send this to you. (Now you'll_ finally _be able to give me my sweater back.) (I haven't forgotten about that, yet.)_

 _I wasn't sure what I should get you. I thought about it for a long time. I didn't want it to be some random junk, and I still haven't figured out what I should give you. Maybe, at the next Hogsmeade visit, we can go to Honeydukes and I buy you anything you want. I thought that maybe, (I'm trying not to be a sentimental sap, here.) (I don't think it's working. Oops.) we could just, I don't know, we could go on a date or something? Just the two of us? We haven't done that in a_ long _time. I hope that works. Also, I got five gigantic boxes of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, (I have a lifetime supply) so I sent you some of it. If you ask why I've got so many... Well, that's a story for another time._

_I might as well fill you in on what's been happening during break. Pansy and Hermione kissed. It turns out they've had feelings for each other for a long time and we were completely oblivious. Blaise, Ron, and I were blown away. Maybe everyone is gay at Hogwarts? It's sickening, all of the lovey dovey couples running around kissing in every corner, and not being able to do that myself. *Shudders* Anyway, Hermione and Pansy are dating, now. It's a badass couple. You've got to be very careful to not stand on one of their toes, (metaphorically) or you get a good cussing out from one or the other. It's been a joy. I got on their good side quickly, thankfully. But Ron and Blaise are very close to losing their hearing from being cussed at so loudly._

_Anyway, like I said, almost everything is dull. Also, Ginny's been hitting on me? It's kinda annoying. I think of her as a sister,_ and _I'm gay. Well, what am I going to do about it?_

_Love you more than life itself,_

_Harry_

That letter had me crying for hours. It's tear-stained now, and I laid down and cradled it to my chest, trying to absorb all the love Harry put in the letter. I crawl to the edge of my bed and grab the package that Mrs. Weasley gave me, and I open it. It's a darkish green sweater, with a _D_ on it in a slightly darker color. I love it immediately, and pull it on over my pajamas. (My pajamas? Harry's pajamas?) It's warm and soft and exactly what I need. There's a tin in the package, too, and I open it. It's homemade fudge. Oh, god. I love fudge. 

I grab a piece and shove it in my mouth, and it's heavenly. I eat a few more pieces, trying hard not to cry on it. Why is Mrs. Weasley giving me a sweater and fudge? I mean, I called them blood traitors for _years,_ and here she is, sending me food and a cozy sweater. I really don't deserve it. I realize there's a note in the bottom. I pick it up and read it, and it says:

_Enjoy your Christmas, dear._

Love, _Mrs. Weasley_

I remember that I have other presents to open. Maybe they're some from my friends? 

I look through the packages, and I finally come up with a few. 

In a neat and tidy script, it says, _To Draco, From Hermione._ I open the package, and it's an amazing eagle feather quill. I think she must have seen me eyeing Harry's... I love it. 

In a fancy jumble it says, _To Dray, Love, Pansy._ She gave me a box of one of my favorite Honeydukes sweets, Caramel Cobwebs. I smile, at least I still can be friends with Pansy when I go back. I know she's got my back. Same with Blaise. Even if Pansy's dating Hermione...

I recognize Blaise's handwriting. It just says, _To Draco._ No name. Figures. Blaise isn't one for details. When I open it, it's a small model of a Firebolt, and it's pretty cool, actually. It reminds me of Harry's amazing broom. _I mean,_ I've always wanted a Firebolt. Father says that I already have a good enough broom, no matter how much I beg. It's unlike him to not get me anything I want... but not unheard of. 

And last of all, there's Ron's gift. He gave me a large box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I snorted. It's such a _Ron_ thing to do. He doesn't particularly like me, but we get along for Harry's sake. Totally his style. Something that no one could say was outright bad, because there _are_ good ones. But there are bad ones, too. Ha. 

I lay back down on my bed, sighing. I really don't want to open the gift from Harry, but at the same time I want to. It just makes it _that_ much harder to cut things off with him. But at the same time I'm a needy bitch that wants to open it. So I do, because I'm pathetic. 

Like he promised, it's a huge box of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. He mentioned something about having a lifetime supply... but this was a _lot._ I mean, who gets five gigantic boxes of pranks? I want to ask him about that, but if I get my way I'll either never talk to him again, or I'll magically go back in time and stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. Really, if I had just stayed this could have all been avoided till summer. I'd have had just _that much more time._ Oh, fuck you, parents. I probably would be being fucked senseless right now, if I had stayed. Really, Harry probably would have had to carry me everywhere. Oh, those were the times. I had a brief flashback to the first weekend that we had fucked so much that I couldn't walk, and I was so sore that Harry carried me to all of my classes that Monday. 

_I was riding on Harry's back, and he was trudging to the tree down by the lake, where we hung out most of the time with Pansy, Hermione, Ron, and Blaise. I had my head on his shoulder, and I was draped uselessly over him. He had a big smile on his face, and was practically bouncing down to the tree. I moaned a bit, but I was too tired to really do anything. Pansy started laughing when I came into view. She was the only one there, and her face was flushing from laughing so hard. Harry laughed a bit, too. He pulled me off his back and into his arms, and sat down so he could lean back against the trees. Pansy was sitting with her legs crossed in front of her, and she was leaning forward, laughing so hard that she started to cry. Harry let me cuddle into him, and I hid my face. She managed to slow her laughing a bit, and choked out, "What..._ happened... _to... him?" Harry laughed a bit, and wrapped an arm around me. "I fucked him so hard that he can't walk," he said with an idiotic smile. Come on, Harry! Really? You_ had _to tell them that I couldn't walk? The anger died down quickly. Pansy just looked like Christmas came early. "Draco!" she drawled, "Draco Malfoy? A_ bottom? _Has he_ always _been?" Harry smiled wider, and nodded, and replied, "Always." with a laugh. "Damn!" she shouted, "I owe Hermione money!_ Thank you, _Draco. Dang, I was so sure... now I'm basically broke! I won't be able to buy my usual supply of candy and butterbeer! Damn you, Draco!" I gave a half-hearted laugh, wince a bit. Harry looked down at me worriedly, a frown tugging on the corners of his mouth. "I'm fine, love. It was worth it." I whispered. "Don't worry about me." Harry still looked worried, but looked up at Pansy. "Don't worry about your money, Pansy, I'll buy you as much candy as you want." Pansy gave him a huge smile, and threw her arms around him. I winced as she landed on me. Harry noticed and shifted her so that none of her weight was on me. "You're the_ _literal_ best, _Harry. Why the fuck we didn't become friends earlier, I don't know..." "No problem, Pans." He said, and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. I felt a small twinge of jealously run through me, but I ignored it, for the most part. I scowled at her, and she went back to her normal spot. Harry pulled my closer to him, and kissed my forehead quickly. I grabbed onto him, and held his face there so I could kiss him. He engaged, surprised by the fact that I kissed him in front of Pansy. Pansy shrieked, and said, "Get a room!" Harry looked up at her and smirked. I lived for his smile. It made me forget the fact that my whole body was sore, particularly anywhere from my shoulders down, which was basically my whole body. I fell asleep, nestled in Harry's chest, knowing that he loved me more than anything._

Oh, fuck. Stop it, Draco. You really should stop thinking about all of those great times with Harry. If I kept this up, I would be lost in memories all of the time. And that can't happen. 

I miss Harry. 


	4. Ignore Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm singing a chourus in my head that consists of "Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck-" and so on. Really sorry about this chapter. It hurt to write it but, for the story to go on, this has to happen. I apologize. I also apologize for the last two chapters. They weren't very good. Also, PLEASE REVIEW! I've only had TWO reviews, from the lovely TweetArya and Goblet_of_fire4. THANK YOU GUYS, SO, SO, MUCH! (If you're reading this. I will put all reviewers names up here! So, just REVIEW! IT KEEPS THIS STORY GOING! A minute of your time and make someone's day! Please! Also, thank you to the people who left kudos! Bless your heart! Anyway, enjoy this shitty, rip my eyes out, stab me in the fucking heart chapter!

Christmas is over. 

I'm on the train to the Hogsmeade station. 

This is like fucking torture. 

I'm on my way back to Hogwarts. 

And that's where Harry is. 

I'm going to have to ignore him... when all I want is to run into his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him. 

More than that, really. 

The time seems to hurtle forward, and suddenly, I'm at the Hogsmeade station, getting on a carriage to go to Hogwarts, walking into the castle...

* * *

I'm waiting for Draco, right by the doors. A ton of other people are there, and I'm standing with Pansy, Blaise, Ron, and Hermione. Pansy's holding Hermione's hand, and Ron, Blaise, and I are standing behind them. I watch the stream of students head in. I look carefully Draco, watching for his pale blond hair. I finally spot him, and I nudge Pansy. "Ooh! It's Draco!" I smile, and the rest look in the direction that Pansy's pointing. We all wait, knowing our efforts to struggle through the crowd to get to him would be useless. When he's in hearing range, Pansy shouts "DRACO! DRACO, OVER HERE!" and I watch his face closely to see if he heard us. His eyes slid towards us, so quickly I almost missed it, and then back down to the floor. He picks up his pace, and blusters right past us. I feel the shock roll over me. Pansy reaches out and grabs his arm. ( **A.N.** His left arm, to be exact...) He recoils so quickly that if I had blinked I would have missed it. He walks even faster, and turns to the left, which is the way down to the Slytherin's common room. Pansy looks shocked, as the rest of us do, I'm sure. "What... what just happened..." I manage to choke out. Everyone turns their attention to me. "Mate, did you fight before he left?" "No!" I reply quickly, and then I feel something sink into my bones, like I've had a bucket of ice cold water dumped over my head. Draco, ignoring us... because of me? No... _no..._ that can't be right. It isn't. We haven't fought seriously since Draco said that he was worried about all of my fucking brushes with death. And I told him 'who else is going to save the fucking world?' That was the first time we broke up. We got together at the beginning of the year... and it was in October when we broke up the first time. It's basically been smooth sailing from there. Well, we got in shouting matches sometimes, but no one agrees on everything, and we didn't ever fight on such a major scale. According to Pansy, Draco had a harder time with breaking up with me than I did, and he was fucking scared because I went back to the way things were, (Aka 3rd year hatred of each other) and I acted like everything was fine and I was fine and I didn't give a fuck about him. I made sure to tell him how much he meant to me after I heard that. But I never told him that I knew about that, though. We try not to keep secrets from each other, but we can have a pretty rocky relationship. After the break up, we've mostly been all lovey dovey, though. I like that much better. He's shy, and always is scared that I'll push him away. (Not that that would _ever_ happen, though.) 

I'm snapped out of it by Pansy saying "That _BITCH!_ I will _fucking_ _KILL him!"_ I shook my head, I was completely confused as to what just happened. "Pansy, no." I said quietly. "If this is what he wants... I'm not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to." I just looked down at my shoes, biting my lips. Ron muttered, "Fucking ferret..." and Blaise just said, "Asshole." Hermione was alternating between looking at me and Pansy. She let go of Pansy's hand and gave me a hug. Pansy looked a bit shocked, but she had a murderous look in her eyes. I don't know what happened to Pansy. She walked over and _hugged me._ I have _never,_ and I mean _never,_ seen her hug anyone. "That little fucking asshole. I will kick his dramatic bitchy ass when I see him," Pansy said. Ron and Blaise were staring at me, with a look of pity on their faces. Blaise looked at Pansy, and then said, "We should go talk to the fucker, I suppose. I mean, how are we going to be all fine again if we don't?" Pansy just nodded a bit. She pulled away, and Hermione did too. Ron came over and slung my arm around his shoulder, like he was worried I would collapse. I wasn't sure if I _wouldn't._ Pansy frowned, and then grabbed Blaise's hand and started tugging him away. "Wait." I managed to choke out, and Pansy stopped and looked at me. "If... if Draco doesn't want to be with me... tell him that that's fine. I'll get over it, probably. And promise me that we'll all still hang out and be friends. Please." Pansy nodded quickly. "If that fucker doesn't want to stay with you, that's his fucking fault. He's missing out on one of the sweetest boys known to mankind. He'd be an _idiot_ to not stay with you. Also, we will _always_ hang out whenever the fuck we need to. No fucker'll ruin our sixsome. Fivesome? I don't know. If he makes the most idiotic choice, we will still hang out like everything is normal. I swear on my mother's grave." Everyone nodded, and I said, "Thank you, so, so, much, Pans." Pansy nodded, and then said, "Can we get together in your dorm at 7:00 tonight? We'll discuss what happened then." I nodded and gave a small smile, and Pansy tugged Blaise away. Hermione slipped my arm over her shoulder, and the three of us walked back to the common room. 

"That little fucking ferret." Ron said as soon as we had sat down on my bed. _"Ron,"_ Hermione said disapprovingly, clucking her tongue. "We don't know he's a _complete_ fucker, yet. We'll wait until we're sure about things before making such remarks." Ron glared at her, and Hermione just ignored him. "How are you, Harry? I'm sorry I didn't ask that earlier." I gave her a half-hearted smile, and then said, "As fine as anyone could be after their boyfriend completely ignores him." Hermione leaned over and gave me a hug, and I rubbed her back. "Well, considering that happened, and this has happened before, kinda, I suppose I'm doing better than your average person. It still hurts, though. I mean, I can go on if he doesn't want me. It'll be fine." I was more talking to myself at this point. "That's the spirit, mate!" Ron said. Hermione just squeezed me a little tighter, and then she pulled away. I was able to smile convincingly at this point. Hermione still looked concerned, but Ron just smiled a bit wider, and then said, "Well, we could open up my supply of Chocolate Frogs?" I nodded, and said, "That sounds great, Ron." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Welcome back! First off, this is a sad chapter. *Cries* It will get better. (In QUITE a few chapters.) Kinda cute? Maybe? Idk. And second of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH TO Kaijawitch and OaK for the lovely reviews! AND A EVEN BIGGER THANK YOU TO THE LOVELY Goblet_of_fire4 FOR BEING GIVING ME SUCH AMAZING REVIEWS! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Love you guys. Enjoy the chapter. 😉

I stormed down to the common room, tugging Blaise along behind me. 

"Pansy! Pansy, _slow down!"_ I snarled at him, and said, "No _fucking_ way, Zabini." 

I had a goal. Make Dray see sense, and kick his bitchy ass. There was _no way_ that Dray was in his right mind when he got off the train. I knew that spending time with his father was always a bit rough, but to ditch his friends when he needs us most? And to _ditch Harry?_

I know how much Dray needs Harry. Dray's more helpless than he seems. He has issues, and Harry made him a lot better than he used to be. The depression used to get to him, and the need to please his father. Harry fixed that. Harry made him better. I'm thankful for that. Dray needs a constant in his life. And, according to Hermione, Harry was a fucking _mess_ fifth year. So Dray makes him better, too. They're the cutest together. I have a brief flashback to October, a week or so after Dray and Harry broke up. 

_"Dray, darling, it's okay." I say, hugging Draco tight. He's sobbing into me, and I feel so, so bad for him. To be honest, I don't really blame either of them for this. I want to be mad at Harry, but I just can't. He's too sweet for that._

_"Did...did- did you... see-see him, Pans? He-" He stops, sobbing. "He-he looked... looked- FINE!" Dray managed to choke out all of this between sobs, and I was impressed. "Dray, baby-" "NO, Pans! Did you- did you... DID YOU SEE HIM! He- he- he looked... FUCKING FINE!" Draco had to stop, sobbing harder than ever. "He- he- he even looked_ happy! _Did you- you- you saw- right? He was- he was... laughing, for- for fuck's sake!" I shook my head and pulled him closer. "Dray, honey, have you met Harry? Did you see him crying about his parents? Did you see him crying about being accused of petrifying students? Did you see him crying when he found out that that someone betrayed his parents? Did you see him crying when he was selected to be a Tri-Wizard Champion? Did you see him crying when his Godfather died? NO! Harry just rolls with what life gives him, because that's all he has. Harry's life has been so fucked up that he's almost used to it. This is much more normal, crying. But Harry's just so used to it. As used to it as you can be. It's horrible, Dray, that he's like this. He's had a rough life. What you're crying about is completely normal. But I know, for a fact, that it's fucked Harry up. He's not got much life in his eyes, if you look at him. Dray, sweetheart, Harry's taking this as bad as you are," I finish, stroking his hair. (I'm a bit proud of myself, I've just preformed an excellent speech from scratch.) (Shut it, Pansy. This is much more serious than being proud of your amazing abilities.)_

_Dray looks up at me, and says, "You- you- you really th-think so?" I nod vigorously, and say, "I'm fucking sure." Dray looks a bit better after that, but he's still bawling his eyes out. My poor Dray._

I snap back out of it, and I wonder what the fuck could have made Dray change his mind. I give the password quickly, and then storm through the common room. A few first years jump out of my way. _That's right, stay out of my way._ I glance back at Blaise, and his face has harden, as if he was preparing for battle. I suppose we are, so I harden my face, too. I storm into Draco's room. And he's sitting on his bed, all balled up. He sees me, and jumps off his bed, wiping his face and then hardening it. I drop Blaise's hand and then storm over to him. I grab his shoulders and shake him. (Maybe I was trying to shake some sense into him?) _"WHAT-"_ shake, _"THE FUCK-"_ shake, _"WERE YOU THINKING!"_ I roar, all of my rage flying out like it's been pent up for years. I shake him harder, and then I press my forehead against his. "WHAT WERE YOU DOING, LEAVING US HANGING LIKE THAT?! WHAT WERE YOU DOING LEAVING _HARRY_ HANGING LIKE THAT?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKED HIM UP? I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR BITCHY FACE IN UNLESS I GET A GOOD REASON FOR IGNORING ME? FOR IGNORING YOU FUCKING BOYFRIEND, WHO WAS PRACTICALLY SALIVATING WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, DRACO?!" Draco started crying at some point during me shouting at him. The sobs were racking his body, and I felt a little bad for yelling at him so much. I leaned in and hugged him. He sobbed into my shoulder, and rubbed his back. I felt bad for yelling at him, but I still wanted an answer. "I still want an answer, you know..." Draco just sobbed harder at that, and then he said, "I- I- you- you- you can't tell anyone- not even Hermione- or Ron- or _H- H- Ha- Harr- Harry._ Not- not a word. O- okay? I- I need you to- to promise me, Pansy." I nod and say "You have a Slytherin's word, Dray." He nodded, and then pulled his hands away. He backed up a bit, and then his hand moved to his sleeve. I was confused, and then he pushed his sleeve up. I almost gasped, but I hardened my face. I didn't let a crack of emotion show. I heard a small gasp from Blaise, but nothing more. I wanted to ask lots of questions, but I was at a loss for words. My hand twitched at my side. I wanted to ask, to know _why,_ but I just couldn't. 

"Okay." I said quietly. 

Draco started talking quickly. "-I didn't have a choice Pansy! I was forced. He was at my house and so were a ton of other Death Eaters and would have died if I hadn't done this but I should have died instead of this- and, wait. Pansy? What did you say?" 

I swallowed, and then said "Okay." It was louder, and he just looked at me. 

"You're- you're not yelling. Was it, 'Okay, it's fine and I'm supportive of you', or was it, 'Okay, I'm leaving this room as soon as I regain full use of my limbs and don't ever talk to me again'? 

I shook my head slightly. "It means, 'as shitty as this is, and no matter how much I hate fucking Death Eaters and want to wipe them off the earth, and no matter how much I hate _him_ and want to run away screaming, I'm going to stay here because you didn't really have a choice and you're my friend'." 

Dray nodded, and then hugged me. "Pans, you don't know how much this means to me. You understand why I can't be with Harry, right? I'm not good enough for him anymore. He's the one who's supposed to rid the world of the Dark Lord. He's supposed to be the Chosen One. And I'm one of the Dark Lord's fucking cronies. I- I- I can't. He'd kill me if he knew." Draco started sobbing towards the end. Blaise cleared his throat. Huh. I'd forgotten that he was here. "Uh, Draco, you didn't exactly have a choice here... so I suppose I can stay. But if you did this by your own accord, I'm going to leave. Sorry. I- I don't support _him._ It's going to be the end of the Wizarding World if he comes to full power. So, uh, yeah. Sorry bro." 

Draco nodded slowly, and then replied, "If you don't want to be here... go. But, if you want to know, I didn't have a choice. So... yeah."   
Blaise just looked a bit awkward, and then said, "You're still my best bro, though." 

"Thanks, Blaise." 

I remembered something. 

"Oh, fuckkkkkk." I said, moaning. 

"What?"

Blaise shared a look of understanding.

"Oh, fuck fuck fuck! What are we going to tell the Golden Trio?" 

Draco looked horrified for a moment. 

"What? What do you mean, _'Tell the Golden Trio'?_ I thought that we were done with them!"

"Okay, first of all, YOU EXPECTED ME TO DROP MY GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE OF YOU! Second of all, YOU EXPECT ME TO DROP SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS? Third of all, YOU EXPECTED ME TO DROP MY DAILY DOSE OF HUMOR, ALSO KNOWN AS WEASEL? Fourth of all, YOU EXPECTED ME TO DROP ONE OF THE SWEETEST GUYS I'VE EVER MET? And fifth of all-" 

"This is a very long list, Pans," Blaise sighed. 

"AND FIFTH OF ALL, YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO MY OWN HOMEWORK WITHOUT HERMIONE LOOKING IT OVER? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY DRACO? Also, how else am I going become best friends with the best seeker at Hogwarts? How am I going to ride a Firebolt? THERE ARE THINGS I NEED!" 

Blaise laughed. "Okay, I suppose that those are all valid points... and seriously, where else are we going to get more Weasley sweaters?"

 _"Exactly, Blaise."_ I say quickly. 

Draco sighs. "I- I- I just don't know how it's going to work out... but it's your guys' life. I can't ask that of you." 

"Damn straight! But for the record, I'd still chose you." I say with a wink. 

Dray smiles half-heartedly, and then a sad look replaces his blank one. 

"Was Harry really that bad?" 

I sigh, and look away, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

"Yeah, yeah, he was." 

Draco has the horrible look on his face that makes me want to go back and lie. I pull him closer. 

"Shh, it's okay, darling. It will all be fine." I coo, trying to make him feel better. 

Draco cries, and eventually he falls asleep, slumped against me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sobbing my eyes out as I wrote this... REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	6. Panic Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I spent three hours on this chapter, so please enjoy it for me! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

I lay Draco’s head down on his pillows, and then move to stand up. I start pacing, trying to think of what to do. I punch a hand through my hair, and then groan. What the hell are we going to do? My eyes flicker over to Blaise, and then I cast a quick _Muffliato._ (It’s a spell I picked up from Harry.) 

“Dammit, Blaise! What the fuck are we going to do?!” Blaise shakes his head, and he looks as if he’s in shock.

 _I_ had been expecting _this_ since Third Year, and I wasn’t that surprised. I knew it was a matter of time. 

I’m just upset.

 _”Argh!_ What about Harry?! This is going to break him!” I exclaim. 

Blaise shakes his head again, and then says, “No, it won’t. At least probably not. Have you met Harry? He’ll get past it. Eventually. It’s more _Draco_ we should be worried about! Do you _remember_ the last time they broke up? He was depressed! This’ll be even worse, I guarantee you.”

I feel shock wash over me as I realize that he’s right. “Oh, _fuck_ no. This just keeps getting worse and worse.” Blaise nodded slowly, and then replied, “What are we going to tell the Golden Trio?” I sigh, throwing myself down next to Blaise dramatically.   
  
“We’re going to have to lie.” 

Blaise had a small smirk on his face. 

”We _are_ Slytherins, aren’t we?” 

I give him a mischievous look and then say, “And we’re _good_ at it.”

“There’s the spirt, Pans. Now, let’s do what we do best and come up with a 100% believable lie.”

* * *

“So you’re telling me that, after all this time, the motherfucking ferret just _decided_ to go back to his prejudiced self after spending a _week_ with his parents? I don’t believe it. I don’t fucking believe it. Oh, _wait,_ I do. Ferret’s never change their ways.” Ron said. 

Harry just looked like he was in shock. He had a dazed look, and his eyes were dull. Hermione had an arm wrapped around him, and I felt so bad for him that I didn’t even have it in me to be jealous. Ron was furious, and his face was almost as red as his hair. (Which was _very_ impressive.) 

“I... I though that he- he had changed. I was _sure_ of it. I... I was wrong...” Harry mumbled, his gaze fixed upon the floor. 

“Harry, darling, I’m so sorry.” I say, giving him a sad look. “We’re going to try and stay friends with him, try to make him see sense, mostly,” I say with a small sigh. “That’s a good idea, gorgeous.” Hermione says. Ron gags at the pet name. “I would do it myself, but I’d bet all of my money on the fact that he doesn’t want to be around _Mudbloods_ and _Blood_ _Traitors.”_ She throws extra emphasis on the racist words.

I give a quick nod, and then give Harry a hug. “We should go, Pans. Curfew is in a few minutes.” Blaise says, and I nod. 

“I’m going to beat that little asshole into a pulp next time I see him. Dirty, fucking ferret.” I wince at Hermione’s use of “asshole” and “fucking”. She only swears when she’s _really_ mad. I guess we’ll have to keep Draco outs of Ron and Hermione’s grasp, then...

“100% agreed.” Ron says quickly, spitting out the words. 

Blaise came over me and grabbed my wrist. “Bye, guys. See you tomorrow at breakfast. Your table?” 

“Our table.” Ron confirms.

“See you, Gorgeous.” Hermione smiles, and then nods at Blaise. Ron just waves. 

Harry is staring at the floor unblinkingly. I’m afraid he’s going to burn a hole in it. I give him a sad look, and then Blaise tugs me out of Ron and Harry’s dorm, and then through the Common Room, and out the portrait hole. 

* * *

When we get back to the Common Room, I follow Blaise into his Dorm, just to check on Dray. When I enter, I find Draco culled up in a ball on his side, crying. I rush over, thanking Merlin for the fact that Theo, Crabbe, and Goyle are sleeping, and wrap my arms around him. Blaise casts a quick _Muffliato_ _,_ tugs off his tie and shoes, unbuttons his shirt, tosses them on the floor, and climbs into bed with without another word. 

I pull Draco close, stroking his back, and muttering sweet things. He sobs on my shirt, soaking it with tears, but I couldn’t care less right now. “What’s wrong, Dray, darling? What happened?” I say softly.

“I- you- you were- I woke up- and- and- and you- you were- gone- and I- I- started to- to- panic- and- and then- I- I- started crying- and- I felt- felt like- there- there was- there wasn’t anything- anything happy- and- and- I felt- I felt like- felt like- like I- don’t- don’t want to- want to- _live!”_ He sobbed out, his body shaking.

“Draco, love! Breathe! In, _out._ In, _out.”_ I shake my head softly. “You’re having a panic attack, sweetheart. Do you remember that First Year in the Common Room, a few days after term started? He was having a panic attack, too.” 

He looks a bit shocked, and his eyes are wide. 

“A... a _what?”_ I sigh softly, stroking his hair. “A panic attack, baby. It’s okay.” 

“I’m so _pathetic,_ Pans.” I shake my head, my eyes hardening.

 _“No,_ you are _not,_ dear.” Draco shakes his head, and pulls his knees into his chest, wrapping his hands around them.

“You- you were gone, and I- I don’t know why I freaked out. I just- I just... I just did. That isn’t normal, Pans.” 

I give him a look that clearly states _shut up.  
_

His mouth closes, and then, after a bit, he says, in a quiet voice, “What did you tell them?” 

I stop for a moment. I knew this would upset him.

_You should have lied, Pansy._

But I did it anyway.

“I... I told them you went back to your old prejudiced self...”

A look of horror came over his face, and then he whimpered. The tears picked back up up, and eventually his body was being racked by angry sobs. 

“Harry,” _sob,_ “hated,” _sob,_ “that,” _sob,_ “so,” _sob,_ “ _so,_ ” _sob,_ “much!”

I felt horrible, and I moved to give him a hug, and he slapped my hand away. “WHAT THE FUCK, DRACO?!” I screamed, jumping off the bed. 

_“DON’T- YOU- TOUCH- ME!”_ he screeched.

I stopped for a moment, my anger stopped in it’s tracks, (A very rare thing) and my mouth hung open. Draco looked up at me, his eyes wide. 

I cracked first, practically tackling him into a hug. I cried for a bit, too, and I choked out, “I’m _so_ sorry, darling.” 

”I’m sorry too, Pans.” 

I rub his back, for a bit, and then pull away. “I should go to bed, Dray. It’s almost one...” lol  
  
He gave me a small nod, and I kissed his forehead. I headed out of the room, (Still strutting like I wasn’t dead tired...) marching straight towards my bathroom. 

* * *

I sighed, locking the door behind me. 

This was one of the nice things about being a Slytherin. (Thank Merlin that Salazar Slytherin believed in girls each having their own bathroom...) All girls had their own bathroom. 

Mine was really pretty nice, but smaller than the own I had at home. I turned the water on in the shower, (A little too hot, just the way I like it) and then I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I looked at my face, evaluating it. My traditional black mascara was a bit smudged, as was my heavy eyeliner. I did cat’s eyes with it, and it went _all_ the way around my eyes. I had dark eye shadow, and it stuck out against my creamy white skin. My dark read lipstick was a stark contrast to my dark eyes, and I rather liked the look of it. My black bangs were plastered to my forehead, and my longer bob was deflated. My rose-gold hoop earrings and diamond studs were tangled with my raven black hair. My body still looked spectacular, though.

When I turned 14, I filled out. My skinny, short, frame was filled up with wide hips, a nice round ass, and bigs boobs. Everything else stayed nice and tiny, and, to my delight, my waist was small.

I had a black bra on. It was plain and simple, but it gave you a good sense of what I looked like underneath it. That’s why I like it. I was wearing a black, see-through, long-sleeve, mesh top, and a orangish-pink skirt that stopped mid-thigh. My black combat boots were well loved, but they looked brand new. (I cast spells on them after every wear.) 

The mirror was steaming up, and the air was nice and warm. I striped slowly, put my clothes on the counter, and then eased myself into the warm water.   
  
I let the water wash away all of my problems. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you’re all probably all wondering why I went into such detail on what Pansy was wearing, and what she looked like, but I just want you to get a good sense of what she looked like in my story. I’ll probably do it with all of my other characters, too. (Lol) Also, I wanted to point out that there is nothing romantic between Pansy and Draco, Pansy just always uses pet names for Draco. Haha. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	7. Blank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If you’re new, welcome to my story, and if you’ve been reading it since I put it out, welcome back! Anyway, enjoy this really short, sad chapter. (This was more just something that was a small note in the story...) (It helps you understand later on.) Also, I just wanted to say what Pansy was wearing, because I am obsessed with her fashion sense. (Sorry guys if I’ve went into too much detail on this type of stuff.) She’s wearing a cropped, dark green, long sleeved shirt. It had thin green stripes that are a bit lighter than the dark green. She’s wearing very skinny skinny jeans, and they’re black. Also, her favorite combat boots, because I have a head cannon that those are basically her babies. (Lol) And also, she has a few other piercings. Double piercings on her ears, in the traditional spot, and on her left ear a black bar, and on her right two silver rings further up on her ear. She also has a bellybutton ring. And she’s wearing black lipstick. Okay, WAY too much on Pansy, I think, but I enjoy creating her outfits. Ha. Anyway, ENJOY THE CHAPTER!

“Pansy, I’m really worried about Harry.” 

I look up at Hermione from my homework, and I furrow my brows. 

“He’s just had this completely dazed look to him, his eyes are blank, and he’s looking around, as if he’s looking for something, but isn’t seeing anything. At all. It’s really starting to worry me. I though it would wear off after a day or so, but it’s been a week. He’s doing everything he should. Doing his homework, eating, sleeping, getting dressed, going to quidditch... It’s like he’s here, but isn’t. It’s really starting to worry me!”   
  
I sigh inwardly, resigning myself to the fact that I’m going to have to talk about this with her. I look up at her. 

I look her over taking in her appearance. She’s wearing a simple tee shirt, that’s a soft, light, brown. Her light wash jeans have a S.P.E.W. patch sewed into them, under her pocket on her right leg. Her curly hair is parted over her left eye, and it falls to her shoulder blades. Her lips are a nice, dull, natural pink, her eyelids are a soft, shiny, whitish-pink, and her tan skin is so pretty. She has a book clutched in her right hand, and I absentmindedly wonder what she’s reading now. 

“Yeah, babe, I know. If he would even show _some_ emotion, it would be that much better.” I sigh, setting down my quill.

“What are we going to do about it?” I ask, looking into her eyes.

“I... I think... I don’t know, Gorgeous. I... Harry will come around when he’s ready, right?” Hermione bits on her bottom lip, a habit of hers when she’s nervous. I lean down and search for my cigarettes in my bag. I pull one out and light it. I only smoke when I’m really worried. I really shouldn’t have done this, but when I look up, Hermione is sighing. 

“You shouldn’t smoke, Pans... but I think it’s explainable right now... You know how bad it is for you... you know what, give me one.”

I’m surprised, but I recover quickly, and and hand her one. She puts it in her mouth, and I light it for her. She takes a deep drag, and then pulls it out of mouth.

“So, what are we going to do? Just wait until he shows some emotion?” I ask her, leaning back in my chair. She’s sitting on the desk, and she runs her hands over the book’s spines. 

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do.” She responds with a sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I think the first notes were longer than the chapter. LONGER CHAPTER WILL COME SOON! Okay, just wanted to get a few things out of the way. Pansy was sitting in the library, and if any of you have watched the movies, can you remember back to when Harry is looking and Romilda Vane and being like, “But I AM the Chosen One.” Hope you can. That’s where Pansy is sitting. K? Ok. If you guys haven’t watched the movies, it’s basically just a slab of wood built into the wall of the library. Haha. Okay, also, Draco has shortish hair in this fic, I guess. Hermione’s hair is more curls than bushy, also. Harry’s is black and curly and messy and it has a habit of always sticking up. Ron’s is just... Ron’s? Yeah. Anyway, IF I GET FOUR COMMENTS I WILL POST A CHAPTER EVERY DAY! YOU CAN DO IT! Love you guys!


	8. Breakfast Is Never A Peaceful Event

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! READ THIS FIRST PART. Okay, I'm REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, sorry for not updating for a week. I had to take a bit of a break, A. for my mental health, and B. I lost motivation. (I haven't been getting very many comments!) Really sorry, my mental health has been pretty crummy lately, so I hope it gets better soon. NOTE FOR THIS CHAPTER, this switches between no one's POV, to kinda looking in on someone's thoughts, back to no one's POV, and then to Hermione's, and then back to the kinda focusing on someone. Also, PLEASE comment. It makes my day a bazillion times better. And, speaking of commenting, a BIG thank you to the amazing, spectacular, lovely, stupendous, incredible, stunning, magnificent Goblet_of_fire4. He of She has reviewed my every update, and the reviews are so wonderful that it makes my heart hurt. THANK YOU! Guys, I really would just LOVE if you would review, even if you are reading this once it's finished. It keeps the story going! Anyway, a bit of a sad chapter. :( Sorry guys. Also, go listen to the song Issues, by Julia Micheals, Skinny Love, by Birdy, and Goodbyes, by Post Malone. Those are the songs that inspired that inspired this chapter. (Lol. I love music too much.) LOVE YOU GUYS! (Sorry for the long note.)

Breakfast had a normal start. 

Harry was chewing on a piece of toast, half-heartedly listening to Ron and Hermione's banter. 'Mione was going on about homework they had last night, and Ron was now stuffing bacon in his face with vigor. 

Suddenly, out of the blue, Harry slammed his fist down on the table. Ron nearly choked, and Hermione almost fell out of her seat. 

"WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HIM?" Harry roared, quiet enough that the rest of the hall couldn't hear, but loud enough that some of the Gryffindors turned their heads towards him.

"Mate-" Ron started, but was cut off quickly by Harry.

"Don't. Just _don't._ I'm going to beat the crap out of that fucker." Harry stood up, his head whipping around, looking for the blonde-headed boy. 

He was walking into the hall, his head low, and if you looked closely, you could see the shadows in his eyes. 

Harry stormed over, his face angry, his robes billowing out behind him.

When Harry had made it halfway to Malfoy, he shouted, "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, _MALFOY?!"_

* * *

_"Come on, Malfoy! It'll be-"_

_"Don't call me that." Draco said suddenly._

_Harry paused, and looked at Draco. His brows furrowed, and then he replied, "What?"_

_Draco cleared his throat, and then said, "Don't call me that. Malfoy is my father. I am_ not _my father."_

_Harry's face was unreadable, and he spoke. "If it bothers you that much, I'll stop."_

_Draco nodded, and then looked at his feet. "It does bother me," he said in a quiet voice. "It hurts."_

_Harry pulled Draco into a hug._

_"I'm sorry, Dray. I won't do it again."_

* * *

Tears welled in Draco's eyes. Most of the hall was staring at them, including the teachers. 

Ron ran over, looped his arm through Harry's, and said "He's not worth it, mate" coldly. Harry was shaking, the rage in his eyes clear. Hermione was on his other side now, holding him back. The dark-haired boy's hands were clenched so tightly that it was painful. His expression was terrifying, no one had seen him this mad in awhile. Ron and Hermione were scared, the last time that he was this mad it was not good. _Not good at all._

Ron was thinking about how if Harry wanted to hurt the twitchy little ferret, he wouldn't be able to stop him. No one could. He might even die...

_Harry, mate, I tried to stop you. I really tried. I told you a million times 'Don't love him. He'll hurt you.' But I stopped. I saw how happy you were, and I wanted you to be happy. I thought that it would end, that you wouldn't love him. I tried, though, in the beginning, I really tried. I told you again and again and again, and you didn't listen. You should have. This would have never happened if you had. None of this would have._

Hermione just wanted to leave with Harry and Ron, and to not come back. Studies be damned. To be safe, leave the war behind, and live their lives a little. Right now, the way things were going, Harry was being raised like a pig for slaughter. That wouldn't happen. Not while Hermione was alive. She thought about running to the Shrieking Shack, and apperating them away. To somewhere that was warm, with white sand and an ocean so wide that it went on forever. To somewhere _safe._

Harry was pushing against them, straining himself, his anger telling him to punch the ferret into the floor, to scream words at him that would have made Mrs. Weasely have him stick a bar of soap in his mouth, to jinx him into next week, to leave him bleeding. To make him feel _pain,_ to make him understand what he was feeling. 

Their need to fight, to run to _scream_ was overwhelming. Ron tugged Harry out of Malfoy's face, and muttered "You can do so much better than this, mate."

He turned on his heel, dragging Harry along with him, pulling the raging boy away from the haze of his angry, furious, violet thoughts, as well as away from the blonde bitch. 

Draco had not said a word. The tears were going to break free any second. Later, where no one else could see, the sobs were going to shake his body. His emotions would be a hurricane. The pain, the depression, the numbness, the anger...

Hermione locked eyes with Draco. You couldn't have looked away from her intense gaze if you wanted to. 

"Go to fucking hell, you bitchy fucking ferret," Hermione said, and her voice was like liquid nitrogen, and then she helped the ginger pull Harry's shaking form out of the Great Hall. The Hall was dead quiet, no one was moving. Not even the teachers. (You'd think they'd been Confunded.) It stayed this way for a bit, and then Ginny stood up. She walked over to Draco, and then kneed him in the balls. He fell to the ground, pulling his knees into his chest and wrapping his arms around them. 

"That's for hurting Harry," she said, her voice angry and it was almost like it her words were burning Draco's skin. She then walked out of the Hall gracefully, tossing her hair over her shoulder. 

Neville stood up, and walked to Malfoy. He just simply kicked Malfoy's crumpled up form, and walked in the direction that the Golden Trio had gone. Lots of Gryffindors (And a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs) (Most of the people from other houses that left were in the DA) got up and left. When Luna breezed past him, she said "I would insult you for hurting one of my five friends, but I can see the guilt eating you up inside... it's enough of a punishment for anyone. Good day to you, Draco. And be careful for Snacklepuffs. They're particularly vicious this time of year," she said in her dreamy, high, voice. 

* * *

Ron and I pulled Harry out of the Hall quickly, dragging him through the halls and up and down staircases. Ron was supporting almost all of Harry's weight. He was pale, and his face was contorted into one of his famous expressions. 

I was holding a bit of Harry's weight, but nowhere near as much as Ron. (This would have been a lot easier if we had been dragging him around last year. He was always such a twig, but thanks to all of his Quidditch practice, a growth spurt, and Mrs. Weasely's cooking, he was finally muscular, and quite tall, actually, but is still more skinny than I would have liked.) Harry was shaking, and his expression was sad, (no, _depressed_ ) angry, and confused all in one. It hurt to look at him. I dragged him into a empty classroom near the Gryffindor Common Room, I slumped him against the wall, and he sand down to the floor. The sobs started to rack his body, and I crouched down next to him, wiping tears off his cheeks. Ron was standing awkwardly behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was so awkward that I wanted to laugh, but that would be entirely inappropriate at a time like this. I backed up, and just stared at him. He cried, his body shaking, and what i was seeing made me want to punch that fucker in the face.

I muttered a quick incantation for dreamless sleep, and Ron made a move to pick Harry up once the hurt noises stopped. I helped him pull Harry into his arms, and then stepped back. We walked through the halls, not saying a word. My emotions were swirling around, and I couldn't sort them out. It was a ball of emotion, all knotted together and impossible to sort out. Form the look on Ron's face, that was how he was feeling, too. 

He stopped outside the portrait hole. 

"'Mione... What are we going to do?"

I shake my head, and then mutter the password.

* * *

Draco Malfoy was done.

Just done. 

Too many emotions, too many things that hurt.

No will to live, but no will to die, either.

Too much hurt.

* * *

Harry was in bed, sleeping peacefully, to my relief. 

"Really, what _are_ we going to do, 'Mione? We've tried almost everything..."

I sigh, and then look at Ron. 

"I don't know. We've tried everything we could think of, that _I_ could think of, and none of it's worked... I think we'll have to let him do what he needs to do, and support him. I _think._ I don't really _know,_ but I think that that's the best we can do..." 

Ron gave me a small nod, and then turned his attention back to Harry.

* * *

The blood was satisfying. I hadn't done this recently, but I now remember why I did it in the first place. It made me hurt, which is what someone like me should be doing. Constantly. I put the knife back up at my wrist, and then pulled it back down. I only did it light enough that it would cause me pain, but not permanent damage, well, other than scars. But those will probably heal. With time. Maybe not completely. The hope is that they'll serve as reminds for what I am. 

No matter how many time I cut the skin that is covered by _His_ mark, it won't disfigure it. I've tried. Too many times. 

I'm ready to be done with it all. Harry lashing out is completely understandable. I would do the same. It gave me a painful reminder of why I had to leave him. I only cause him pain. _Only._

I'm sitting on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, thinking about jumping off, and cutting, and how I can't see through my tears, and about my parents, and being a fucking Death Eater, and about that fucking boy who I love, with his stupid green eyes and his stupid scar and his stupid broomstick and stupid savior complex. And his stupid ability to fuck me senseless. 

I'm numb inside. 

That's the only way to describe it. It's like my insides are coated with nothing, nothing, and more nothing. The silent tears are rolling down my face, and I think that I'm not even cutting straight. _That will be just wonderful. Jagged scars. It's not like I don't deserve that._

I think I'll try to kiss Harry once more before I go off on myself. One more good memory. 

I'm not sure I'll even do that, though. Maybe it's better if I live. No one would care, though. 

Well, my life's already fucked anyway. 

When my arm is so filled with blood and it's soaked through my trousers, I slip the silver potions knife back in my pocket, and stare out at the sky. 


	9. Pansy's Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH WELCOME BACK FOLKS! I AM SO DAMN HAPPY RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN KNOW.😁😁😁 I got 7 COMMENTS! THAT'S LITERALLY THE MOST I'VE EVER GOTTEN ON A SINGLE CHAPTER, EVER. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Shout-outs to TayHawkes_91, Obessesed_with_drarry, Malfoy25, Andemari, nightlykudos, abby, and last, but not least, the wonderful Goblet_of_fire4. YOU GUYS ARE ALL FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Okie-dokie, now that I have that out of the way... Well, I have a different fic I'm working on currently, and the whole thing'll come out tomorrow. So check it out!!! Quick note, unicorns are super rare in this fic, cuz the Death Eaters killed all that they could find. Anyway, love you guys so damn much!

_Meanwhile_

* * *

Blaise and I were flipping through books, looking for anything that could help us. These books are our only hope (Until we go back to Hogsmeade) for helping Draco out. I look through a chapter titled _Mental Health: Makes Us Or Breaks Us._ I read a line that says something about how you have to have be sound in the head to have a good life. This is not helpful. I nudge Blaise, and mutter "Have you found anything yet?" I glance over at his book, and his chapter is titled _Panic Attacks: How To Deal With Them._ "No, Pans. Sorry." 

I groan, and then start to say "This is so damn frustrat-" when Snape sweeps into the Common Room. I'm surprised, he tries to avoid coming in here if he can. 

He looks at me, and then says, "Parkinson. Come with me. The Headmaster would like to see you." 

Blaise gives me a look that says _'What the fuck did you do now?'_ and I start to stand up, carefully hiding the title of my book as I set it down on the chair I were I was sitting. I straighten my tie, and smooth my robes down with a hand. 

"Yes, Professor Snape." 

He walks, or more so _glides,_ out of the Common Room, his robes billowing out behind him, I follow, and shoot Blaise a nervous look. 

* * *

When we arrive at a Gargoyle, and Snape mutters "Sherbet Lemon" and the Gargoyle leaps aside. A staircase appears, and Snape gets on it, so I do too. 

Once we reach the top, Snape pushes a door open and then sweeps in. I walk in, taking in the surroundings. 

It was a large and beautiful circular room, full of funny little noises. A number of curious silver instruments stood on spindle-legged tables, whirring and emitting little puffs of smoke. The walls were covered with portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses, all of whom were snoozing gently in their frames. There was also an enormous, claw-footed desk, and, sitting on a shelf behind it, a shabby, tainted wizard's hat — the Sorting Hat. My eyes swept the room, looking for the Headmaster. He was sitting in a chair, to my left, along with- wait. _Hold up._ My Mother?! What was she doing here? No... no, no, _no._ This could only be bad. Parents don't just come for visits to the Headmaster's office. 

Her dark hair was curled, hanging around her face, and her dark blue robes looked lovely on her. Her face- her face... was pale. Not the normal, beautiful face that I love, but a pale, shallow face with heavy bags under her eyes. This was very, very, concerning. My Mother always took pride in her appearance, and never went anywhere without looking perfect. So this was a sign in itself. 

I ran over, throwing my arms around her, and I whispered, "Maman, what's wrong?" (Quick **A.N.** Maman is French for Mom, if you don't speak French.) 

The Headmaster cleared his throat, and I looked up at him. "Your sister-" 

_No. No, no, no. Not my sweet Samantha._

Samantha was my beautiful, sweet, adorable little sister. She followed me around, and did anything to catch my attention or hang out with me. She tried to copy the way I looked and dressed, (My Mother wouldn't let her cut off her butt-length hair, though) and she talked to me about the newest _Witch Weekly_ magazine. She's my little sister, who I spoiled and loved on. She was six. She looked enough like me that we could have been identical twins when I was her age...

"What happened? What happened to my sweet sœur?" I said quickly, wanting an answer as quickly as possible. 

"Pansy, I must request that you calm down." 

I drew in a few deep breaths, and then looked him straight in the eye.

"Your sister accidentally drank a drop of poison that was stored in your potions cabinet. We think that she was looking for a pepper-up potion, due to the fact that she was not feeling good, earlier in the day. Thankfully, your Father saw, immediately rushed to St. Mungo's." 

My sweet sœur! Poison?

"Is she okay! There must be a cure..." I said quickly, waiting for an answer. 

"Yes, she is alive. Unfortunately, this poison has only one antidote."

"And?"

"Fresh Unicorn eye."

No. No, no, no. A Unicorn hadn't been seen in since the Death Eaters killed every one they could find!How are they going to find one! 

"The St. Mungo's healers are looking desperately, along with an Auror or two, a few people from the Ministry, and some of my own, including the Centaurs and Hagrid. We're doing everything we can."

I felt like my emotions were exploding. 

"What can I do to help?" I say quickly. 

"I'm afraid that there is nothing you can do at this time, except offer you family moral support."

I nod quickly.

"So, that brings me to the question. Your Mother has come to bring you back to your manor. I said we shall give you a choice as to whether you want to leave or not. If you do choose to leave, we will have lessons arranged for you so as you can come back. If you choose to stay, we can have it arranged so you can leave on the weekends to visit your family and sister."

Dumbledore stops for a moment.

"So, what do you choose, Miss Parkinson?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH VOTE FOR WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN! I'll consider all of your votes, but overall I have to choose. ;)


	10. The Quidditch Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR ALL PURPOSES DRACO IS STILL ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM. ALSO, DRACO WAS NEVER ASSIGNED THE TASK OF KILLING DUMBLEDORE. OKAY? Okay.  
> READ THE END NOTES FOR ALL OF MY MUSHY STUFF.

_One Week After The Breakfast Incident_

Harry was done with all of this. With all of the feelings. With all of the hurt. 

He wanted his Draco back. The one that was all cuddly and smart and had this irrational fear of Harry leaving him. (Which would never happen, well... unless he though it was for his well-being.) (He might do that... but he's quite selfish when it comes to Draco.) Harry didn't want some fucked-up prejudiced bitch. That wasn't his Draco. 

Harry was sick of it all. Sick of not having his Draco. So Harry was going to go back to the way things used to be. That's what Draco wanted. So, because Harry loved him _so fucking much,_ he would do that. For Draco. Only for Draco would he do this. 

He would go back to their old rivalry, if that's what Draco wanted. And it seemed that he had made that part clear. ( **A.N.** *cough* _seemed_ *cough*) So Harry would go back to (seemingly) hating him. If that's what Draco wanted. Harry loved him too much to hurt him. He wouldn't go running after Draco, drooling. Maybe he would get a girlfriend, just to prove that he was over Draco. Yeah, he would maybe do that. He could go back to the glares in the halls, the mean words, (After all, they were just _words_ ) the Quidditch matches... 

Yeah, Harry could do this. He could hide his feelings. For Draco. 

_Only for Draco._

So Harry pulled on his Quidditch Robes and headed out to the field with his Firebolt in hand.

* * *

Harry walked out onto the field, his head held high, and his face impassive. He lead the group, with Ron on his left, followed by his two beaters, Jimmy Peakes and Ritchie Coote, and Ginny on his right, behind her were Demezla Robins and Katie Bell. They moved in a V-Formation and, across the field, were the Slytherins. They met in the middle, and he watched out of the corner of his eye as Ron and Ginny tensed up. He determinedly did not look at Draco, who was on Marcus Flint's left side. Harry's face was a cold, hard, mask, and his body was taut with tension. 

But he was weak. He glanced at Malfoy quickly, out of the corner of his eye, and what he saw made him feel worried. Very, very, worried. 

Draco was pale, his face gray, and his eyes were dull and red-rimmed. His cheekbones were prominent, much more noticeable than the last time Harry had seen him. The skin was hanging off him, and the shadows under his eyes were dark. Harry had the strangest urge ( **A.N.** Or not so strange...) to give him a hug. And to- well, do some _other_ things with him, if you know what I mean. (*winks*) He wanted to find out who made Draco this way, and to deck them in the face. ( **A.N.** Oh, the _irony._ ) 

But Harry ignored this, and directed his gaze back to the Slytherin Captain. 

"Shake hands." Madam Hooch said, and Harry watched as the other Captain looked at him, waiting for him to stick his hand out. No way in _hell_ was Harry going to crack first. 

Harry happened to notice that Draco's eye flickered worriedly over to him. 

"Gentlemen, I said, _shake hands._ " Flint cracked under Madam Hooch's gaze, and stuck his hand out. Harry gripped it tightly, and it was more a _'Clench his hand as hard as humanly possible'_ rather than a simple hand-shake. 

* * *

Harry was circling the field, looking for _any_ sign of the Snitch. So far, Gryffindor was ahead by 20 points, it was 50-30 currently. 

_I have to win this,_ said a voice inside his head, and it was running through his brain on repeat.

He looked over at Draco, who was above him. He had been circling the same spot for most of the game, and Harry was worried he was going to fall off his broom. He was slumped over, and Harry wasn't sure if he even had his eyes open.

* * *

Little did he know... Draco had been watching him the whole time. And not to follow him when he dove, presumably having sighted the Snitch. _No,_ he was solely looking at Harry because he could, and no one would notice. He could stare at him all he wanted, and no one would care.

Draco was only there because he didn't want to abandon his team right before a match, and they likely couldn't have try-outs and train in the new Seeker in time for the game. He should've just quit. Any player could have been better than him right now. 

He was definitely quitting after this. The second that Marcus Flint could see past the red in his eyes after they lost, Draco would quit. 

One more game. That's it.

* * *

_The Snitch!_

Finally! Harry had spotted the Snitch, and he dove quickly, not wanting to give Malfoy even a _chance_ of catching it. 

The Slytherin Beaters seemed to have noticed him diving, and one of them sent a Bludger at him with astounding force. Thankfully, Jimmy happened to notice, and knocked it right out of the way, straight at a Slytherin Chaser. Harry sped forward, closer, closer, _closer,_ and~

A chorus of cheers came up through the crowd, so loud that they completely over-powered the moans and groan and shouts of the Slytherins. Harry held the Snitch up high, and then landed. His team came running over as soon as they landed, and he was caught in hugs and pats on the back and shouts of praise. 

"Good job, Mate!" Ron said, and then gave him a thump on the back. Harry was smiling so hard that his mouth hurt. 

Harry may or may not have looked up at Draco the second he landed. 

And there he was, still in the same spot. 

_What?_

But of course it had already been pushed out of his mind. He watched as Marcus Flint stalked off the field, a few Slytherin trailing behind him, a safe distance away. Harry couldn't help but feel happy at the image. Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he spun around, only to find Ginny. 

_She's really pretty,_ said a small voice in his head. He watched as she gave him a beautiful smile.

And then he glanced up at the spot where Draco had been. No one was there.

So Harry pulled her onto him and smashed his lips onto her's. 

There's no debating the fact that she responded immediately, and with passion, too. 

So Harry lost himself in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooh. It finally happened... KEEP IN MIND FOLKS THAT THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY no HINNY IN THE FINAL CHAPTERS. DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT. THERE WILl BE DRARRY, DRARRY, AND MORE DRARRY. Anyway, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR RESPONSE TO THIS! Also, thank you so FUCKING MUCH to the most wonderful people, you go by the pseud nightlykudos, Malfoy25, Amora819, Drxxy_Fxnfiction, and last, BUT NOT LEAST, the wonderful, amazing, TayHawkes_91! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! If you're worried about Pansy... please don't be. It will ALL work out. (Hint hint) LOVE YOU ALL! KEEP REVIEWING!


	11. Shag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the short chapter! I have places to be, and I will talk more tomorrow. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

Draco walked out of the showers, feeling dazed. 

A. He had just quit Quidditch, one of his favorite things, or used to be favorite things. He had no clue what his father would say about this. And he felt really, really crummy. He had just quit Quidditch because he was too scared to face Harry. And because it reminded him _too much_ of when Harry and him used to play Seeker's Games. Just them and the Snitch. Draco would never admit that Harry was better than him. He was, though. He won almost ever time. 

And B. When the he saw Harry dive, he didn't even follow him. He knew that he had seen the Snitch, and that he would catch it. So Draco just stayed where he was, his eyes following Harry. And then, he thought, _he really thought,_ that Harry had looked up at him. For a second. It was enough to make him feel good. But now he thought that he was imagining it. He probably was. So he pretended, lied to himself, and said that he didn't feel anything, _anything at all,_ when he thought he saw Harry look at him. So he was now feeling like shit. Complete and utter shit. So he was mad at himself for not even making an _effort_ to ignore Harry. And for not going after the Snitch. (He wasn't really bothered by the latter, though.) 

He had landed as soon as he thought that Harry looked at him when he landed... and decidedly not looked at him again. He didn't want to see him that happy without him. It hurt. 

So Draco walked through the castle, his broom and things that he had in his locker in his hands, and eventually made it to the portrait hole.

* * *

I murmured the password, and then stepped through. I was almost out of the Common Room when someone grabbed my arm. I spun around with so quickly it made my head spin. _Someone had touched my left arm._ I calmed down a bit when I saw that it was only Pansy. My brows furrowed at what I saw. Her face was flushed and her eyes blood-shot, and I wondered why she had been crying. 

"What's wrong, Pansy?" I asked quickly. 

"My sister-" she stopped to draw in a quick breath. "Samantha- she accidentally consumed poison, a very rare one- and the only cure is Unicorn eye! A fucking Unicorn hasn't been seen in years! _HOW THE FUCK are they going to save my sœur?!_ "

I shook my head rapidly, trying to get rid of the fog in my head. I wasn't comprehending it... 

_Something about Samantha. Something about poison. Something about Unicorns. This is not good when you put it all together._

"Pansy, do you have to leave?" 

She looked down at her combat boots, and muttered something.

"What?"

Pansy looked up at me guiltily. 

"I... I found out last week."

I felt shock, and then anger.

 _"Why didn't you tell me?"_ I hissed quickly, the anger clear in my voice.

 _"Because you've been stuck in your own head!_ My Mother came, and she explain things, in the fucking _Headmaster's Office,_ Blaise told me about breakfast, and you've been crying and moping and lost in your own head! I don't even know what to do anymore! I have to leave today, I'm going to going to be at school for a week and at the hospital the next! How are you going to live without me?"

"Pansy! You should have told me! I would have listened to you! I'm going to miss you tons, yes, _but I can function on my own!_ How are you going to miss a week of classes, and then come right back?" 

She shoved her face into her light tan, high-necked sweater.

A small part of my brain looked at what she was wearing. Her combat boots, hoop earrings, a jean skirt, and her sweater made her look spectacular. 

"Ah! They set this all up for me! I do all of the homework and learn the lessons while I'm gone, and then I come back perfectly ready for classes. You'd know this if you'd ask me about _my_ life every once in a while!" 

"I'm sorry, Pans! I've felt like fucking rubbish for weeks now! I'm _trying_ to get over it!"

"Can't you see how much I've done for you? Don't you realize that you should _repay the favor_ every once in a while? I was waiting for you to notice the fact that I've been off my game, and you didn't!" 

I feel horrified with myself, to be honest. I didn't notice Pansy _at all?_ That's a new low, even for me. 

"I'm _so_ sorry, Pans." I say while pulling her into a hug. 

"I just wish that you were back to your old self, Sweetheart."

I frown, and say, "No can do, Pans. I wish I could, though."

"I know."

"Why does this have to be so hard?"

"I wish I had an answer to that."

"Yeah." 

Pansy gave me one last squeeze, and then stepped back.

"You aren't up for a quick shag, are you? I'm feeling quite stressed, right about now." 

I feel my eyes widening.

"Pans! I am _not_ your sex toy! We haven't shagged for a year!"

She shook her head, a small smirk playing on her lips. 

"I guess I'll just have to do someone who _hasn’t_ been gay since they were eleven. I still don't understand why you shagged me during fifth year, though... you were after Potter then. Well, I guess I'll just have to go and seduce someone. Maybe I should shag Goldstein... he's nice-looking, and good at shagging, too." 

I think she's talking to herself, in the end. I feel a tad bit _horrified,_ but I try and not let it show. I knew Pansy shagged people regularly, and I'm fairly sure that she's shagged almost every male at this school that's 4th year and up, but I didn't know that she could walk up to anyone and say, _'Hey, want to shag?'_ and get off. 

"I'm sorry about your sister, Pans. We'll miss you around here."

"I'll miss you too."

"Love you, Pans."

"Love you more." 

I gave her a hug, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then said "See you next week" and I gave her a nod. She then proceeded to march out of the Common Room.

"Why are you leaving?" I ask, confused.

"I wasn't kidding about that shag."

"Is Hermione okay with this?"

"Yeah, we talked about it a long time ago. I wanted to shag a lot more often than her, and so she said it was okay for me to shag people, as long as I didn't get in a relationship with them."

"That's really nice of her."

"Fuck yes."

I laugh internally, Pansy really was something special. 


	12. Hog's Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been a long time, hasn't it, folks? I'd like to apologize, I've been puking my guts out for a while now. I'm finally better, and I only had it in me to respond to a few comments when I wasn't puking, or sleeping. So if you will excuse my absence, I'm going to try and post as many fucking chapters as possible today! Yay! So, please, COMMENT, REVIEW, TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS, and so on. Well, let's get into the chapter, shall we? Also, shout-outs are at the end.

It was a Hogsmeade weekend. 

Draco thought he wasn't going to go... but he couldn't resist the chance of seeing Harry there. 

_I'm 100% fucking mental at this point,_ he though to himself. _A 100%._

So there he was, walking into the Three Broomsticks, hoping to see Harry.

He was almost completely sure that he would be there, as for the fact that it was _cold_ outside, and Draco had already went to Honeyduke's.

 _Harry had always liked going here,_ he thought. _Harry insisted on getting a Butterbeer in the middle of a heat wave._

His eyes immediately darted to the booth where he normally sat with Harry, and, to his disgust, some Hufflepuff was snogging her boyfriend. 

He scanned the rest of the room, looking for the familiar colors. 

_Blue, yellow, more blue and yellow..._

He was really confused now. 

There were almost no Gryffindors here. 

He wasn't surprised by the absence of the Slytherins, as they always went to Hog's Head, where you could get drunk off your arse and no one would care, even if you were thirteen. But the Gryffindors always came here. Gryffindors practically lived here when they were in Hogsmeade. 

A few third year girls were here, but no others.

He wanted to know where they were. 

He was now feeling a heavy wave of depression washing over him. 

_Of course they're not here. They're probably back in their Common Room, facing huge hangovers from the party the night before._

But Draco's subconscious didn't really believe that. Even if he didn't know that. 

He didn't really notice when he left the Three Broomsticks, and walked down the streets, hands shoved deep in his coat pockets. His only intention was to go get drunk as hell, and hopefully forget about all of this. In the moment, he couldn't remember if he was a happy, snuggly drunk, or a sad, depressed drunk. His eyes darted to left, and then the right, and then back to the left, and the right again. He scanned the windows of the shops, looking for a sign of Harry, not even realizing that he was. He turned, pushing open the door to the Hog's Head. It was dark and dirty, and they windows were thick with grime. He walked in, and was comforted by the green and silver ties, and sat down at the bar. 

The bartender walked over to him and grunted.

"Firewhiskey, please."

The guy shook his head, and said "We're fresh out."

"What do you mean, _'We're fresh out?'_ You've never run out!"

"The Gryffindors have been here since we opened. Of _course_ we're out. They're hardcore drinkers, they are. And they're all drunk to hell and back. All of them are either passed out on the floor, puking on each other, are shagging right next to everybody, drinking mug after mug, or are talking wildly, and laughing their butts off."

Draco shook his head in disbelief. _Why the fuck were they getting so drunk?_

"How are they paying for it?" he asked rather quickly. 

The bartender shook his head. " _That's_ none of your damn business. But I guess I'm going to tell you any way. One of them, not sure who, made a bet with me that Harry Potter could cast a Patronus Charm while he was drunk. And, mind you, Harry's so drunk right now that it's not even possible that he's coherent. So I we made a deal. All of their drinks'll be on the house if he can produce a one, and if he doesn't the kid'll pay me 50 Galleons. So, he goes over to Harry and whispers something, and Harry nods, pulls out his wand, and then casts the strongest Patronus Charm I've ever saw. I fell over from the power of it. So, long story short, I'm going to be completely broke by the end of the day." 

Draco shakes his head, trying to get the memory of seeing Harry's Patronus for the first time out of his head, and asks "Where are they?"

"Well, they started out here, but then they started scaring people away, so I moved 'em upstairs. They don't seem to mind, but a few passed out on the stairs." 

"Thank you, sir." Draco said, and then got out of his chair, climbing over the bar, and heading up the stairs that were to his left. 

* * *

When Draco got up there, he couldn't believe his eyes. He was standing in a dusty room, the artificial light flooding his senses, holey white sheets covering the windows, and boxes scattered all over. But the appearance of the room was not what he was thinking about. It was the teens. 

A few people were shagging on top of boxes, or being fucked into the floor, completely laid out for everyone to see. Others were snogged into the walls, groping each other. Draco immediately made sure that none of them were Harry. He would have run out crying like a baby if any of them had been him. A few were laying on the floor, sprawled out, their eyes closed, and in the corner someone puked into a box. In the middle of the room, there was a circle or students, all sitting down, (Draco was sure that they probably couldn't stand) and lots of the Gryffindors were talking loudly, and they were all holding a mug, occasionally taking swigs from it. He spotted Harry's dark hair immediately, and next to him were a ginger and a brunette. Draco was thankful that they had their back to him. 

He turned around when someone tapped on his shoulder, and he was surprised to see Seamus Finnigan standing there, swaying unsteadily. 

"Whadya doin' 'ere, blondie? Ya're a Sly- Slyther- Sly-ther-in, righ'?"

"I... I was just wondering why you were all getting drunk off your arses today, instead of last night?"

Seamus shook his head, as if trying to clear it. "Oi, 'e did get drun' off our arses las' nigh'. Bu' Harry seemed up- upset, 'er something. After 'e got drunk, er course. 'E start- started cryin'. So 'e took 'im out again to- today. 'E seems better now. Smilin' an' laughin' an' stuff." 

Draco felt the need to figure out what had upset Harry, and he said impulsively, "Do you know why he was upset, Seamus?"

"Uh- I... I used ter re- remember... somethin' ter do wit' after the game... Sorry, mate." 

"It's okay." he said coldly. It was not _okay_ in his mind, it was _what the fuck is wrong with Harry? Did anyone do something to him? I'll kill them, I'll kill them, I'll kill them-_

"Welp, mate, you 'est get goin'. Ron's talkin' abou' murderin' some Slytherin prick named... I think 'e 'as talkin' abou'... Dra... Draco... Malcoy? I dunno, man. Stay safe, dude."

Draco shook his head, not wanting to believe Seamus. Ron was talking about _murdering_ him? For what? 

Draco honestly didn't know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooh! Folks, please tell me what you thought. Also, I wanted you to forgive me for my sins, and show that Harry DID feel bad about 'cheating' on Draco. So, guys, please feel better.   
> Okie-dokie, time for my shout-outs! Here they are!  
> nightlykudos  
> Obsessed_with_drarry  
> Dxrry_Fxnfiction  
> Karolina  
> Emily  
> And finally, more Obsessed_with_drarry, who has been such a wonderful commenter that I can't even start on how lovely she is. Anyway, thank you guys!


	13. Hog's Head, Again

Draco went back downstairs, and decided that he _was_ going to get drunk off his arse. He ordered a bottle of Ice Vodka, (A whole fucking bottle, because that's what you could do when you were richer than the devil himself) which had a distinctly peppermint taste, and was icy cold. He sat in the corner, drinking straight out of the bottle. 

His thoughts were going twenty different directions at once, and some of them included **(A.N.** *cough* _most of them_ *cough*) **(A.N. (Again)** What are you looking at me like that for?) Harry fucking him into a wall and snogging him senseless at the same time. The others were all truly, horribly, sad, and he was focusing on those more. His face was, there's no other way to describe it, thoroughly melancholy. His left hand was clenched around the bottle, and he was slumped forward against the table, his right hand holding his face up. Eventually, he finished off the bottle, and he got up to go get more. He walked over to the bar, started to pull out a chair, and then someone hissed at him. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here, trying to sit next to us, ferret?" Hermione hissed at him. Draco looked over, and was surprised at what he saw. Hermione was sitting right next to where he was standing, and her eyes were completely clear. _I thought that she was supposed to be drunk?_ "You're not fucking welcome to sit next to me." Draco was quite surprised, honestly, the shock of Hermione talking to him still not having wore off. (That might have something to do with the fact that he was wasted.) He was even more shocked by her use of swear words. She _never_ swore. 

"I... I, um..."

He took a second to notice that Harry was staring forward with a very bored expression, and so was Ron. Neither of their eyes moved, and Draco was sure that they were decidedly not looking at him. 

" _Draco_ _Malfoy?_ Stuttering? Better make sure that your _father_ doesn't hear about this. Oh, the _shame_ your father would feel. Stuttering? _And_ talking, no, _sitting,_ next to a _Mudblood?_ I'm sure your parents would just _die_ if they knew. Oh, I'd love to see their faces if they heard about this-"

Draco was crying, the tears slipping down his face silently. 

"Weren't you drunk?" he said, his voice cracking a bit.

"Weren't you stupid? Oh, wait, yes, I forgot. Sorry to be _insensitive._ I guess that's just the way us _Mud_ bloods are. Of course we were drunk. Ever heard of a Sober-Up potion?" she said.

Draco mind worked slowly, trying to figure out what she was talking about. Eventually it clicked.

"Aren't Sober-Up potions incredibly hard to make?"

"Is Harry the only known survivor of the Killing Curse?"

"Yes." Draco muttered.

"Then there's your answer. If you're willing to make it, you can."

"I would have known if you had brewed a Sober-Up potion yesterday. Pansy would've told me. You guys talked last night before she left, right?" Draco's mind was not up to speed with the fact that Hermione didn't want to talk. 

But his mind _did_ take notice of the fact that Hermione's face hardened. 

"We broke up. It would have been too hard to stay in a relationship with her being gone every other week." 

Draco was surprised. Really, _really,_ surprised. He had heard the way Pansy talked about Hermione. 

_'Oh, she's the best!' 'I love her so, so, so much!' 'She's so pretty and smart and I love her!'_

"Did you break up with her?"

Hermione's face fell a bit.

"No."

Draco was really confused now. _Pansy_ broke up with _Hermione?_ Draco always thought that it would be the other way around, if anything. 

He needed to owl Pansy and ask her what happened. 

_Later,_ he told himself. 

"Anyway, Draco, as much as I've enjoyed this little conversation, I'm sure that Harry would like an arrogant tosser like you out of his face. By the way, ferret, don't expect to have any friends in Gryffindor. They're all mad at you. Who wouldn't be? You're a fucking prick, and Harry's right. He should have never dated you."

That stung worse than anything else Draco had heard, ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me? (I'm a little upset with myself, tbh.) It's all part of my plan. (Which has 60 parts, btw.) (It took me forever to come up with a rough line for the story to follow.) Please, guys, REVIEW! It makes my fucking day! Also, I promise that it'll get bet soon. And there'll be fluff galore. (At least for a bit.) (Then some more angst, I guess.) Also, I'm very, very sorry for breaking Hermione and Pansy up, I'll fix them in a bit. I just need a few minutes of space. Maybe I'll throw in a bit of Ron and Hermione? Idk. Maybe I should just put Pansmione right back together again. Idk, guys, idk. Anyway, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	14. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am SO sorry for not updating more. Please forgive me!  
> Also, Draco’s memory takes place in Narcissa’s quarters, in her sitting room. He two, btw.  
> AND, a HUGE thank you to aexthetic_luv (I EVEN SPELLED IT RIGHT), nightlykudos, Drxrry_fxnfiction, prongslet612, and Obsessed_with_drarry! THANK YOU THANK YO7 THANK YOU!

Draco’s crying now. Draco’s crying so hard that he couldn’t stop, that he couldn’t see through the tears, even if he tried. Which he wouldn’t. He just wanted to sob out all the tears out of his system, until he couldn’t cry anymore. He wanted to curl up and die. He wanted to go back in time, and stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. He wanted to kiss Harry. He wanted to do so much more. 

But he just cried.  


He cried because he felt sorry for hurting Harry, and for being who he is. He cried for feeling bad for himself. Which he didn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve self-pity, he didn’t deserve anything that was good or pure or even half-way _decent._ He wanted to have his knife, to cut. But no, he was in fucking Hogsmeade, crying behind an empty shop, in between a cluster of trees. He stopped for a second when he heard a loud _crack,_ and Draco remembered back to when he was a child.

* * *

_Draco crawled into his Mother’s lap, crying._

_“Sh, Dragon, it’s just a storm. It will end soon,” she said softly as she pulled a quilt over him, shifting into her armchair, next to a big, warm fire that crackled.  
_

_There was a loud_ crack _when lighting struck. Draco whimpered, and Narcissa instinctively tightened her arms around him. The thunder rumbled through, slow and loud. The blonde-haired boy covered his ears, and pushed his face into his chest, his tears wetting his Mother’s blue robes, just a little bit. There was another loud crack, and this time it was much sharper, louder, and it seemed closer. The small boy screamed, the noise being too loud for his young ears. Narcissa grabbed her hawthorn wand, and stood up, her arm curled around Draco’s tiny form. (_ _Not that she would have needed to hold him up. He was clinging on for dear life.) Draco’s eyes went to the window, and he watched as a tree, very close to them, was split down the middle, and went up in flames. One of the branches was touching the house, and, though the branch was rather long and far away from the house, the fire was heading quickly (Actually, rather slowly. It all seemed fast in Draco’s mind, due to the fact that he was bloody terrified.)_

_ “Tilly,” his mother said, rather softly.  _

_ With another loud crack that had Draco shrieking, a small house elf appeared. This one was different. This one had no beating marks, and was wearing a dress made out of leftover silk that Narcissa had given her throughout the years. It wasn’t technically clothing, so it didn’t release Tilly, but it made her look nice. Her eyes were alive, and not scared, and she was always eager to assist Narcissa.  _

_ This elf was Narcissa’s personal house elf.  _

_ “May Tilly do something for Miss Narcissa?” the house elf asked quickly, her eyes bright.  _

_ “Please put out the fire, Tilly,” Narcissa said calmly, her eyes soft.  _

_ “Yes, Miss,” Tilly replied quickly, and was gone with a crack. A few seconds later the fire was gone. Draco was whimpering into his Mother’s blouse, and Narcissa stroked his hair.  _

_ “It’s okay, Dragon.”  _

* * *

Draco wondered if a branch had snapped somewhere. He dismissed the thought, and then pulled his knees up to his chest, and leaned his head back against the wall. He wanted to go back to the castle, and have his knife, and to take a nice hot shower, and he would owl Pansy. Hopefully, Crabbe, Goyle, and Theo would not be in the dorms. Draco thought that he might just lay down and die if they saw him crying. So Draco tipped his head back, and willed the tears to stop.   


* * *

Hermione had given Harry a truly scary look when he got up after Malfoy left, claiming that he was going to go back to the castle. Harry hadn’t expected Hermione to swallow the lie, and was relieved when she let him go.

He had walked out of the pub, and, after checking that no one was looking, grabbed his invisibility cloak out of his back pocket (He had taken to keeping it on him after Draco broke up with him, he didn’t exactly want to have any awkward run ins.) and pulled it over him. 

He walked down the street, careful to stay out of the snow, and followed Draco, who was stumbling awkwardly down the sidewalk. He turned sharply, and walked down an ally. Harry simply had to follow him now, what if Malfoy was up to something? So Harry followed shamelessly, and turned around the same corner that the gray-eyed boy. 

He followed him closely, and turned again. They were behind a shop, in a cluster of trees.Harry watched as Draco slumped against the wall, and pushed his face into his hands.

Harry couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to, he was rooted to the spot. He watched helplessly as Draco sobbed into his hands, and Harry just wanted to go over and hug him, to pull him into his arms. But, there he was, rooted to the spot. He was mad at Draco, yes, for leaving him that way, for making it so painful, but the care and concern he felt for him overruled that feeling. He was mad at whoever had done this to him, and wanted to help Draco. But, instead, the anger trumped his thinking, and he picked up a stick and whacked it against the tree, and it cracked. Harry's eyes widened when he realized what he had done, and he looked at the blonde-haired boy. 

He wasn’t even looking at where Harry was. He was looking at his knees, and his eyes were dull.

Harry slowly backed up, turned, and ran away. He would go and tell Hermione what had happened, and she would scold him for following Draco, and then Harry would feel bad, but what he had just seen would tug at the edge of his mind until he found an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	15. Shoulder Rub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter!

When Draco was in the shower, he felt more relaxed. He let the hot water work it’s magic, and it always calmed him down. The familiar scents were comforting, and it felt nice to wash his hair. But, of course, Draco was busy remembering the time that Harry had washed his hair, and how nice it had felt. How he had slowly worked his fingers through his hair, rubbing his skull, and then rinsed it out gently. He had pulled Draco close, and the warm water hit his back as he stood there, rubbing circles over Draco’s shoulders. It had felt so nice…

Draco grabbed a sponge, dumped some soap on it, and started scrubbing his chest. He moved to his shoulders, and then down his right arm, and then to his left-

He stared at the tattoo that was etched into his skin. He started to scrub the skin raw, and it hurt. But Draco felt like that’s what he deserved. So he kept scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing…

His arm was an angry red, and there were a few cuts. The blood mixed with the water, it ran red, and Draco couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. 

* * *

Harry glanced over at Draco, who was sitting at the edge of the Slytherin table, all by himself. His head was lowered, so Harry couldn’t get a good look at his face, but he had come to the conclusion that Draco was just really _tired._ He wasn’t eating, and it looked as though he was going to fall asleep at the table. Harry wanted to go over and wrap an arm around him, pulling him into his chest, then rub his shoulders in just the way that Draco loved-

Harry got lost in the thought of that…

* * *

_Harry walked over to where Draco was sitting in the library, and leaned against the bookcase. He observed Draco, who was scribbling madly as he looked at the thick book next to him. His posture was tense, his shoulders rigid. His face was screwed up in concentration, and Harry wanted to kiss the look right off his face. Instead, he walked over, placed his hands on Draco’s shoulders, and started to rub them. He knew precisely how to do this, due to the fact that Mrs. Dursley had told him to give her a good shoulder rub once every week, on Tuesday mornings precisely, with scented lotion. Draco scribbling stopped, and he turned to look at Harry._

_“What spell are you using?” he said breathlessly, sounding purely relaxed._

_Harry laughed, and replied, “Dray, sweetheart, I’m not using any spell.”_

_“No, you are. This is too good to not be magic. Now tell me!”_

_“I’m not lying, Draco.”_

_“And I’m not a Malfoy.”_

_“I’m really not.”_

_“I’m really not my ass. No, you most definitely are.”_

_“Draco, my wand’s in my back pocket.”_

_“You know how to do wandless magic, Harry? Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“I’m not lying, Draco. I wouldn’t lie to you.”_

_“If you were surprising me you would.”_

_“Okay, fine, you’re right, I would lie if it was a good surprise. But I’m not kidding right now!”_

_“Nope, still don’t believe it.”_

_“Fine, don’t, you bloody fool.”_

_“I’m_ your _bloody fool.”_

_“That you are.”_

_“Okay. Fine. I believe you. As long as you do this regularly.”_

_“Of course, sweetheart.”_

* * *

Harry shook the memory out of his head.


	16. They're Such A Cute Couple, Aren't They?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m so sorry, I don’t have much time to talk right now. I’m going into the fucking wilderness to camp in an hour, so I’m kinda busy rn. I’ll be back Monday, so don’t worry. Also, sorry for the cliffhanger.  
> (What are you looking at me like that for?)  
> (I understand. I kinda just said that I was going to leave a VERY LITTLE cliffhanger.) I’m sorry, I don’t have time to do shout-outs, so next update there will be a gigantic thank you!  
> Also, Draco’s such a soft boy guys. Just saying.  
> And FUCK, this chapter was angsty. PLEASE REVIEW!  
> Also, I’ll be writing while I’m gone, so u will probably get a chapter or four on Monday. ;)  
> ALSO, if anyone would do fan art for this, I would be SO, SO, SO, HAPPY! Like idc if it’s like two year old scribbles, anything would be amazing! Just send me the link if u do! PLEASE? I’d love you forever!

Draco was sitting at the table, thinking about Pansy and her ~ horrible reponses. His face was propped up with one hand, and he was  [ sitting in the middle of the table, but he was lost in his own world.  ](https://www.google.com/search?q=draco+in+half+blood+prince+sitting+at+the+table&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiyvfHIzOPqAhUQa6wKHTrCBpYQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=draco+in+half+blood+prince+sitting+at+the+table&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzoECAAQHjoGCAAQCBAeUIVNWMhlYLZnaABwAHgAgAFwiAG7DZIBBDIwLjGYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZ8ABAQ&sclient=img&ei=faAZX_KKBJDWsQW6hJuwCQ&bih=631&biw=1200&rlz=1CAJPEZ_enUS863&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=QLG9uEfoq6kQSM) He was staring at his plate. 

_ ‘Everything’s fine.’ _

_ ‘My Mum and Dad are fine.’ _

_ ‘My  _ _ sœur is as good as she can be.’ _

_ ‘I’m fine, Draco.’ _

Those were Pansy’s half-assed responses. 

He didn’t buy them for a second. He was almost 100% sure that Pansy was not okay.

And there was nothing he could do about it. 

Draco’s thoughts drifted to the Potions homework he had, but he couldn’t even concentrate on that. He started to listen in on the conversations around him.

“ _ Oh my god,  _ and then he smiled at me!  _ He smiled at me!” _

“The Transfiguration homework-”

“Chudley Cannons are real shit.”

“Did you hear about the-”

“The Gryffindors are-”

“Have you finished the-”

“And _ then _ Emily fell flat on her face-”

“Trying out for Seeker-”

“Did you hear that Harry Potter is-”

Draco heard Harry’s name and focused in on those particular girls, fifth year Ravenclaws, 

“Is dating Ginny Weasley? They make  _ such  _ a good couple. I honestly don’t know what Harry was doing, dating Malfoy. Well I suppose-”

Draco was frozen. His brain was slowly comprehending what he had just heard.

_ Harry. _

_ Potter. _

_ Is. _

_ Dating. _

_ Ginny. _

_ Weasley. _

Those six words were enough to fuck Draco up for life. 

For Harry to be dating someone else…

That was beyond what Draco could handle. 

He could handle Harry being single, but dating someone? 

_ He’s probably going to kiss her, and touch her, and have sex with her, and talk to her, and cuddle her, and love her.  _

_ He’ll be giving her everything he gave you.  _

It was all Draco could do not to cry right there. 

_ Quit it, Draco! You’re a fucking Malfoy! Malfoys don’t cry!  _

_ But Harry said that it was okay to cry. He said that it was only human. So it must be okay, right? _

S _ HUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!  _

It was like a war in his head, the Dark and the Light, and he was neutral territory. Which was no good. 

Draco stood up and left the hall with as much dignity as he could, and as soon as the doors were closed, he sprinted to his dorm. 

_ I’m ready to be done. _


	17. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS DEPRESSING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a really, really, really sad fucking chapter which made me cry and I am now tearing my own heart out SOMEONE HELP ME! Just sad, guys. There’s like under ten more angsty chapters in this fic, so please... just try not to cry. I fucking dare you.

Harry left the hall, worrying about Draco. He wanted to look something up in the library… ( **A.N.** *Laughs nervously* I honestly have no fucking clue what he’s looking up... ok, fine, it’s something about the Imperius curse. And how to spot it.) _Oh god. I sound like Hermione._ He stopped, wondering which staircase he should take. **(A.N.** I swear on my life that picking which staircase to take is like figuring out which road you should take to get somewhere the fastest) The fastest one was by the entrance to the Dungeons, but it changed at ten. _What time is it?_ Harry thought, and then cast a quick tempus. Fuck. It was 9:53. Harry would have to run for it if he wanted to make it there in time. He took off at a sprint, his bag bouncing on his hip. At the moment, he was thankful for Quidditch Practice keeping him fit. He wasn’t so thankful for his growth spurt over the summer, in which he had become rather muscular, and now stood at 6’ 3”, which was the same height as Ron. It had left him gangly and uncoordinated, having grown six inches. But it had also made him taller than Draco, who was 6 foot, ¾ inches. He always said that he was 6’ 1”, and Harry always emphasised the ¾ inch. He loved being taller than Draco, and always called him tiny when he got the chance. _“I’m only_ two inches _shorter than you!”_ he would reply, every time, without fail. And Harry, every time, without fail, would say, “Two and _¾ inches,_ Dray” while laughing, and then would muss up Draco’s hair, which also really bothered him. 

He was almost to the staircase when a hand reached out and grabbed his own hand. For a split second Harry thought that it was Draco, since the dungeons entrance were right there. He snapped out of it, and was greeted by flaming red hair and freckles. 

“Ginny,” he said breathlessly.

She pulled him into a kiss, and Harry slipped his tongue into her mouth. 

It was hot and fiery and it was teeth and tongues and it was open-mouthed and full of lust.  _ And it really wasn’t who Harry wanted to be kissing.  _ His subconscious conjured that up, and Harry was startled at the thought. 

But, after all, this was what Harry needed after going from a, in many aspects, intense relationship into nothing. Absolutely _nothing._ Absolutely fucking _nothing._

* * *

Draco wondered if he was having an attack of some sort. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were darting nervously back and forth, making sure that no one was looking at him, and his thoughts were a crazy, jumbled mess, running through his brain in one tangled line. 

_ Harry’s with another girl Harry’s with another girl and it’s a fucking  _ _ Weasley oh my god oh my god what am I even here for I should just end it there’s no point in living anymore because Harry’s already got someone else and I just shouldn’t-  _

Draco had stopped running now. He was walking as fast as his legs would allow him to. He was sore from sitting in a hardback chair in the Slytherin Common Room all night, catching up on homework that he had neglected, so it was a pain in the ass  to walk around the castle. 

_ I’m almost to the Dungeons, I’m almost to the Dungeons- _

Draco turned the corner.

And there was fucking  Weaslette. With Harry. _Kissing Harry_. No,  _ snogging  _ Harry. 

Harry had her pinned against the wall, and was holding one of her boobs in his hand, and the other was grabbing her waist, pushing her into him. Her hand was on his ass,  and the other fisted in his thick, black, messy, hair. 

Draco was going to puke. 

_ Anythingbutthisanythingbutthis- _

He ran past them, straight to the entrance. 

He tumbled down the stairs, not really caring if Harry or the fucking Weasley had seen him. He was done. Nothing left for him. He was absolutely _fucking_ _ done.  _ He was done, done, done. 

Harry had found someone else to love. 

So there was nothing left for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Now I’m crying even more. This is fucking depressing, folks. Welp, I’m off to go weep in agony.


	18. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I really just wanted to apologize for how sad the last chapter was, and if I did something to fuck you up I’m really sorry. So, on that note, this chapter is much happier. I specially want to apologize to aexthetic_luv, please feel better soon! Hope this chapter cheers you up, cuz this chapter made me go ‘I REALLY NEED THE FUCKING SUNSHINE IN THIS FIC’, so, enjoy!

Hermione was reading  _ Hogwarts: A History  _ for the 67th time (To be exact) on her bed, and was completely absorbed in it. So it came as a surprise to her when she heard Parvati talking to her. 

“Hey, Hermione? An owl just came to the window, and it’s addressed  _ ‘Hermione Granger’.  _ Were you expecting a letter? Most of the time post just comes at breakfast… Anyway, here you go.” Parvati handed her a letter, and Hermione looked up at her, and thanked her. She watched absentmindedly as Parvati sat down on her bed and pulled Lavender into her lap. 

All of the girls in Hermione’s room were together, Lavender and Parvati, and Fay and Emily. It didn’t bother her very much, but sometimes it got to be a bit much, with all of the constant PDA. Most of the time Hermione tried to ignore it, knowing that she would probably be doing to same thing if Pansy were her dorm mate-

_ Don’t think about Pansy, Hermione.  _

Hermione looked back down at her letter, which was encased in thick, dark green paper, with a black, wax seal. Hermione stares at the seal, and when she realizes what the coat of arms is she very nearly  _ Incendios  _ it. But she doesn’t. Instead, she rips it open, and sees the familiar handwriting. 

Meet me at the lake at six? I’ll understand if you don’t come. But please do. I want to talk to you. -Pansy 

Hermione doesn’t know what to do. So, instead of deciding, she casts a quick tempus, and sees that it’s 5:45. So, again, instead of deciding, she gets off her bed, digging through her trunk, trying to find something suitable to wear. She grabbed a red sweater, a pair of ripped jeans, and a pair of white Converse, and headed to the bathroom. She changed out of her gray Gryffindor sweats and white Hogwarts tee quickly, put on her outfit, and then pulled her hair out of it’s ponytail and ran a brush through it, trying to smooth it down. She had almost given up, and then remembered that she could just use magic.  _ My head is clearly not working correctly,  _ she thought to herself as she said “ _ Capillos Lenis _ ,” which immediately smoothed her hair down. She  _ really  _ hadn’t planned on leaving her dorm tonight, and since it was a Monday, no one expected her to be out and about, even the boys. As soon as she had finished classes she had come up and changed into her sweatpants and tee. Her make-up had smudged, so she cast a “ _ Tactus Est Rutrum _ ” and it went back to nice and neat. She always briefly thought of Pansy when she cast any beauty charm, as Pansy was the one who taught her them. She practically ran out of the bathroom, tossed her clothes on her bed, and then started to head out. She heard Parvati say, “Well it looks like  _ someone around here  _ has a hot date.” She also heard Lavender smack her. 

_ They bicker like an old married couple,  _ she thought to herself as she walked down to the lake. She tried to not think about what she was doing. But it was almost imposible. 

She looked down at the tree where they normally met, and she couldn’t help but smile. There was Pansy, shifting her weight every few seconds and biting her lip like she does when she’s nervous, and she was holding a bunch of dark red roses. (Which were Hermione’s favorite.) She was wearing her combat boots, a simple black dress that was sleeveless, had a skirt that was flowy, reached the middle of her thighs, and was a V-neck, and sheer black tights. They made her look stunning, naturally, and Hermione was ogling at her, if she was being honest. Her emerald ring that she got from her grand-mère right before she died was sitting on her right hand, on her middle finger. She always loved flipping people off with her right hand, for this very reason. Hermione walked down, focusing on keeping her expression calm and cold. Pansy caught sight of her, and immediately stopped biting her lip, her hand tightening on the flowers she was holding. 

“Pansy.” Hermione said in a voice that was definitely not hers. It was exactly the one you would use when you were talking to someone, and you wanted them to understand how much you cared. Aka it was a ‘I don’t give a fuck about this’ voice. 

“Hermione, I-” Pansy stopped, looking down at her hands. 

Hermione about fell over from shock when she realized that Pansy was crying. 

“Come here, Pans,” she whispered without thinking. 

Hermione pulled her close, and Pansy buried her face into her shoulder. 

“I’m  _ so sorry _ , Gorgeous- I- I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m so... so,  _ so _ sorry-” she said quickly, and her voice was muffled by Hermione’s sweater. Hermione rubbed Pansy’s back slowly, trying to calm her down. 

“Pansy, it’s okay, sweetheart. We all make mistakes.”

“I- wait. What?” Pansy looked up at her, and a smile tugged at Hermione’s as she saw the completely confused look that Pansy was giving her. 

“I said,  _ It’s okay, sweetheart. _ ”

“I… Hermione, I don’t deserve that.”

“Yes, you do.”

Pansy hugged her tight, and Hermione hugged her right back. 

Pansy pulled away, eventually, and then said, “I wanted to do this differently. Smoother. But, I… I guess I can just do it this way.”

She looked into Hermione’s eyes. 

“Hermione, since the moment I started dating you, I knew you were like no one else I’d ever met before. I love you, and when I broke up with you… that’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m don’t ever want to do that again, so, this was the only thing that I could think of to prevent that from happening again.”

Her hand slipped into her back pocket, and she pulled out a small, black, velvet box. 

She dropped down onto one knee, and then said, in the most loving voice possible, “Will you marry me, Hermione?”

Hermione was shocked. There was no other way to put it. But, thanks to her wonderfully smart brain, she got over it in a second and said “Of course.”

Pansy stood up and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

* * *

[Hermione’s Engagement Ring](https://www.google.com/search?q=wedding+rings&rlz=1CAJPEZ_enUS863&sxsrf=ALeKk03UgF0CNQRP4-4oEJ86OI2tSsh8hg:1595905978041&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjbzKmH_e7qAhVJCM0KHcCuDBkQ_AUoAXoECBIQAw&biw=1200&bih=631&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=uJJM9mrlJ1K40M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I FINALLY did something right! I’m throwing happiness around like confetti rn. *throwing confetti* HAPPINESS TO YOU, HAPPINESS TO YOU, HAPPINESS TO- *hits some baby in the face* oops. My bad.  
> Anyway, Hermione’s engagement ring is right above this.


	19. Memories

Draco Malfoy had lost all of his dignity. 

And was falling down the stairs. 

He hadn’t really been thinking properly when he rushed past Harry and the fucking Weaslette, so, there he was, tumbling down the stairs. He tried to protect his head, because even though he had a death wish, he would rather not die of head related injury. Case closed. He let out a whimper when a sharp crack of pain flashed through his ribs, and started to wonder if he just hadn’t noticed how many stairs there were, or he was just falling really, really, slowly. 

He hit the stone floor with a thud. His head was spinning and there was a sharp pain in his ribs and his wrist. _Maybe I’ve broken them,_ said a small voice in the back of his head. 

He dismissed the thought and tried to sit up, letting out a small whimper at the pain in his head, and then he screeched “Dammit!” when he shifted something in his ribs and it caused a hot, sharp pain to run through him with a vengeance. He cradled his wrist against his chest, and then started to crawl. 

It’s official. Whatever dignity Draco Malfoy once had was completely gone. 

It hurt just a bit to crawl around on the stone floor, if you could even call it a crawl. It was more dragging himself around. He couldn’t stand the sharp flashes that he was getting every few seconds, so he cast a temporary pain relief spell. _“Tempus Dolor.”_ Draco had stumbled across that spell in a book that was almost older than time itself. It came from the first Malfoys library. Draco thinks that the spell has been forgotten. 

It brings almost instant relief, and so he gets up, knowing he only has about five minutes till the spell wears off. That’s the thing about this spell, it wears off quickly. Draco tried using it multiple times in one day, once, and it had dire effects. (Including nausea, sore throat, and every other terrible thing you can think of.) (Okay, not _every_ terrible thing.) So Draco stuck to using it once a day, if he had to use it at all. 

He walked quickly to the portrait hole, and then after that to his dorm. He fumbled around, knocking things over, trying to find his knife. 

_Where’s my knife, where’s my knife, where’s my knife?_

He finally found it, tried to push his sleeve up as quickly as possible, and sunk his blade straight into the skin. He tore quickly, trying to work out his pain. The blood had soaked through his clothes, was dripping on the floor, and he somehow got it in his hair. (He actually pushed it back with his bloody hand.) No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get his Dark Mark to disfigure. No matter how many times he cut, he just _couldn’t._ There was probably some fucking magic behind it. But he just kept trying. And trying. And trying. 

He started to feel completely numb again. Just numb. And like the sky was on his shoulders. He just felt down, depressed, done… 

He sat down on his bed. 

He slowly untied his tie, then unbuttoned his shirt and chucked it off. He stared at the big bruise on his chest, and hesitantly poked at it. It stung. He leaned over and dug through his trunk, looking for-

Ah. Yes. There it is. 

He pulled the sweater on, careful to not get blood on it. (Or tried to not get blood on it. There was too much not to.) 

He slipped off his shoes, tugged his socks off, and then unbuckled his belt. He threw them on the floor, and then slid his trousers off. He grabbed the red and gold pajama pants that were on the very top of his trunk and pulled them on. 

He still tried, after all this time, to smell Harry’s warm scent. He still couldn’t smell it. 

He laid back on his bed, and flicked his wand. The curtains closed, and he cast a heavy privacy charm. Maybe he could just lay there in peace. For once. Draco wasn’t so sure that he would be able to actually live after all the shit he’d been through. So he specifically racked his brain for his favorite memories with Harry. 

\-----------

_Harry shoved me straight in the chest, and I shoved him right back._

_We went back and forth three times, and then, when it was his turn to shove me back, he grabbed my tie and yanked me forward, crashing his lips against mine._

_Oh fuck._

_How did he know that this was exactly what I wanted?_

_\-----------_

_I stared at Harry, wondering if he was mentally sound._

_“You want to get_ Butterbeer _in 90° weather? Are you sure that you don’t have brain damage after-” I poked Harry's scar, “This?”_

_Harry narrowed his eyes, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and I knew that my job was done._

_“Yes, I’m 100% sure,_ ferret. _”_

_I gasp dramatically, not believing that he’d stoop that low._

_“Excuse me,_ Scarhead, _I believe that you meant to say ‘My amazing, talented, boyfriend who has great hair?’”_

_“Oh, no, I’m pretty sure I know, and meant, what I said.”_

_“Don’t you go there, Potter.”_

_“I’ll go there if I like.”_

_He pulled me into a fierce kiss, right in fucking_ **** _Hogsmeade._

_I was shocked. This was the first time he had openly done anything. He always has been braver than me, though._

\-----------

_“I’d do anything for you, you know.”_

_Harry stared at me for a second, and then cracked a smile._

_“Anything, you say?”_

_“Anything.”_

_“Say my hair is better than yours.”_

_I stare at him, and my mouth drops open._

_I didn’t know that he was capable of that kind of response._

_“_ Almost _anything.”_

_“That’s what I thought.”_

_I scowled with as much dignity as I could._

\-----------

 _“Ha_ rry! _Sto- stop tha-!” I say, laughing._

_Harry just smiled and tickled me more._

_“I- said- that- I’m- not-_ ticklish _!” I laugh more, and Harry’s laughing too, now._

_“Not ticklish, my ass._ _Then please explain to me why you’re giggling like you’re two?”_

_“I don’t need to- explain-_ to you! _” I say, unable to stop from laughing._

_Harry pulls me into a hug, and I stop flailing my arms and legs._

_“I think that it’s cute that you’re ticklish.”_

\-----------

_“Draco, why are you standing on a bench in the middle of the hall? And what is your bag doing on the floor?”_

_Oh, damn._ **** _This is just my luck. My boyfriend has showed up to be the savior, yet again._

_He stares at me, tilting his face, just a bit._

_“I can stand wherever I like, thank you very much.”_

_Harry sighs, and then says, “Where’s the spider?”_

_“It’s on my bag, can you get it please?”_

_My boyfriend, constantly the savior._

\----------

_“You know, you’re a cuddly drunk, Dray.”_

_My head was all fuzzy, and I focused on snuggling further into the warmth that was Harry._

_He rubbed my back, and it felt nice. I couldn’t focus on much for too long, though. It hurt my head. Speaking of which, I have a headache._

_“Are ya sayin’ ‘m cute?”_

_“Yes, I am, Dray.”_

_“Good. ‘Ou are ‘oo. Your ‘air is ‘retty. An’ ‘o’s your face.”_

_“You are most definitely drunk.”_

_“Can you kiss me now?”_

_“Remind me to find you after Slytherin parties more often.”_

\----------

_Harry’s petting my hair._

_I’m not going to lie, it actually feels pretty nice. But I’m definitely not telling him that. I’m feeling annoyed today._

_“So cute.”_

_“Potter,_ no, _Malfoys are not_ cute.”

_“Mm, definitely cute. And cuddly.”_

_“Argh, Potter. Why do you always have to get on my nerves?”_

_“‘Cause it’s fun.”_

_“It is_ not-”

_Harry cut me off by pulling me into a rough kiss._

\----------

 _“Damn it,_ _Harry!” I practically whimper. “Do you have to do that? I’m_ trying _to focus on doing this potion correctly!”_

_Fuck Harry and his stupid Parseltounge._

_“You fucking_ know _that it turns me on! And you do it anyway!”_

_He nips at my ear. “Isn’t that the point?”_

_“Well-” I whimper as he makes circles with a finger on my hip. It feels so damn_ _good. “Will you just stop?”_

_All I get is a few hisses in response._

_I know two things for sure._

_My boyfriend really is stubborn, and second-_

_I’m very, very, hard._

_\----_

_“I wasn’t_ that _drunk last night, Harry.”_

_“You were flirting with me.”_

_“I can do that. I’m your boyfriend!”_

_“You asked if I was single. I told you I wasn’t and you started crying.”_

_There’s an awkward silence._

_“And then I had to rub your back as you cried into my shoulder.”_

_“That kinda sounds like me…”_

_“You’re so cute, did you know that, Draco?”_

\---

Maybe he can live off these memories forever.


	20. Married?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really gtg, more chapter coming out today!

“So, Pans, you’re telling me that you are _getting married?!_ ”

Pansy was practically bouncing around the room. She stopped, gave me a serious look, and said, “Is that a problem?” 

I shake my head. “Of course it isn’t. But you’re sixteen, Pans…”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m aware of the fact.”

“And you can’t legally get married till you’re seventeen, Pansy.”

She gives me the death glare.

“I’m _aware of the fact,_ Blaise! I’m going to be seventeen in a month, and February isn’t that far away.”

This is quite awkward.

“And you’re planning a wedding in a _month?_ ” 

She examines her long, crimson red nails. 

“Hermione and I talked about this, and if you’d been listening earlier you would know that we don’t want a big wedding. Just our family, you, Harry, Ron, maybe Luna, a few other Gryffindors, and honestly, I’m not inviting any of the girls that I share a dorm with. They’re all stuck-up, spoiled brats.”

“Pansy, you literally have _socks_ that say _‘spoiled brat’._ ” 

She rolls her eyes again. I think she should trade mark that, due to the fact that she does it so often. 

“That’s besides the point, Blaise.”

I smirk. “You also have a tattoo that says _‘Ambitch_ _ious’_ inside your finger. _”_

“Again, Blaise, that’s besides the point.” she spits in my direction, fiddling with her emerald ring. 

“You’re impossible, Pansy,” I sigh. 

“That I am. Anyway, I’m going to invite Draco, but is that just a suicide mission? Speaking of which, have you seen him recently? I’ve been gone…” She looks at me worriedly. I swear, she’s such a mother hen…

Oh god, this is not going to go over well. 

“I… it’s been awkward, when I’ve talked to him. Either he leaves immediately, or we stand there, staring at the ground, not talking. He doesn’t look good, that I can tell you.”

Her face goes from neutral to raging in a split second. “ _Blaise!_ You haven’t been keeping track of him?! I _told_ you to, but _no,_ you can’t even do that _one job!_ ” she shrieks viciously. 

“Please, Pansy, I tried!” 

“Trying is one thing. But _doing_ is another! YOU DIDN’T DO, BLAISE ALEXANDRE ZABINI!” 

Damn.She must be really mad. She only uses someone’s middle name when she’s really mad. 

I put my hand up in front of me, trying to prevent Pansy from kicking the living daylights out of me. 

“PANSY! Calm down! I tried, and you always do things a thousand times better than I do. So don’t worry about it. You can just talk to Draco in a bit, sort things out, calm things down. You’re much better and the feelings rubbish than I am.”

Pansy stopped for a second, calming down, deciding if she was going to agree with me, or beat me into a pulp. 

I gulped visibly, because no one, and I mean _no one,_ tries to upset Pansy in any way when she’s mad. Or annoyed. Or on her period. Dealing with her during her period is the worst. That is something to avoid at all costs. 

“I- I guess you’re right. You’re lucky, Blaise.”

I relax, and give her one of my smirks. 

“That I am.”

“Well, the whole point of this conversation was to A. Tell you about my wedding, B. Ask if you’d be a my Maid of Honor, and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. _Maid of Honor?_ Excuse me, but I’m a _man_ -”

“Boy,” she cuts in. 

“And I will _not_ be called a ‘Maid of Honor’. _I am not a maid!_ ”

Pansy laughed, and then said, “Fine. Best Man it is.”

I wipe my forehead, and let out a breath loudly.   
“Crisis averted. I’d be honored, Pans. But, I have one question. Why aren’t you asking Draco? I know for a fact that he’s higher up on your list, no offense to myself.”

Pansy looks down at her shoes. 

“I’m going to ask him to Best Man, but I’m almost 100% sure that he won’t even go, so I figured that you could be my back-up. Sound good? Oh, and on the off chance that he _does_ say yes, you’re being moved to Groomsmen. Okay, Blaise?”

“Okay, Pansy. And what was C. all about?”

“Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to sneak out and go get drinks with Hermione, Ron, Harry, and I? We were thinking about going to Hog’s Head.”

“Do I even have to answer that?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

* * *

“YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED, ‘MIONE!” Ron shouts, and I think the whole castle would of heard him if ‘Mione hadn’t done a silencing charm.

“Yes, Ronald, is that so hard to understand?”

“She’s right, mate.” I say quickly, because having Ron mad at me is a lot easier than ‘Mione being mad at me. 

“But- I- she- seventeen- broke up- Parkinson- _married-_ ” 

“RON!” Hermione and I shout in unison. 

“Really, mate, how thick are you? She said she’s getting married, and there’s nothing we can do about it! So _calm down!_ ” I say, staring at him from across the table that we were seated at in the library. 

“But she- I-”

“MATE!” 

“Okay, fine, when is it?” Ron asked, still looking like that it was mostly definitely not _fine._

“We’re-”

“ _We’re?_ ” 

“Yes, Ronald, _we’re._ We’re thinking some time in March… it’s not going to be big. I was thinking you two, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Lavender and Parvati, Fay and Emily, and Blaise? Pansy said that she was going to invite Draco-”

Harry’s face fell.

“But she also said she was 100% sure that he wouldn’t come. So. Uh, yeah. Stop worrying, Harry. He mostly likely won’t come.”

Harry nodded, and forced a smile onto his face. 

“Who’s gonna be your Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids?” Harry asked, honestly curious. 

Hermione smiled, and then said, “Well, I was going to ask Ginny and Luna to be my Bridesmaids, and you guys to be my Groomsmen? Does that sound okay?”

Ron and I were taken aback. 

“I’d love to, ‘Mione.” I said when I’d recovered. 

Ron took a little bit longer to think. 

“So would I, ‘Mione. You have my word.”

She squealed, and then said, “Do you guys want to sneak out to Hog’s Head tonight? We could celebrate, if you know what I mean.” 

Ron and I smiled, and then Ron said, “You are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?” Hermione’s brows furrowed, and then Ron laughed. “That’s the most brilliant idea you’ve had yet, Hermione.”

I laughed, and thankfully, so did Hermione. 


	21. WANDLESS MAGIC, FUCKERS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m so sorry for not posting yesterday, I actually wrote this chapter three other times and it just didn’t seem right. One outcome actually ended with Harry finding a stray puppy, and keeping it. SO. Anyway, please comment! More angst coming soon, and more story development. Also, thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers, particularly Obsessed_with_drarry. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

Pansy and ‘Mione had been snogging the whole night. 

Ron found it disgusting, Blaise seemed to not mind it, and I thought that it was a combination of the two, along with something that made my heart ache just a little. 

We were all thoroughly drunk, and had been for awhile. Blaise threw up on the bartender, Ron had fallen out of his chair, Pansy had seemed to forget that Hermione and her were in a public place with an audience, Hermione had fallen flat on her face, and I had started crying because I had too many problems, and I missed Sirius. ( **A.N.** SUBTEXT: HE MISSED SIRIUS  _ AND  _ DRACO.) 

It had been a good night, overall. Ron and Blaise were singing old wizarding songs, and both were seriously ( **A.N.** I worked really hard to not write ‘siriusly’ here.) off key. It was quite funny, and we were lucky we weren’t kicked out. 

I hiccuped, and then asked, “Do ya wanna ‘lay ‘Ruth or ‘Are?” in a rather croaky voice. 

Pansy squealed, stopped snogging Hermione, and then turned to me. Ron and Blaise stopped singing, and then I said, “Who ‘ants to ‘o ‘irst?”

‘Mione raised her hand quickly, and in the process hit Pansy in the face. They both just laughed, thankfully. 

“‘Kay, ‘Mione, you first,” Ron said, his voice cracking. 

“Mmm… Blaise, Truth or Dare?”

Blaise smirked, leaned forward, (And almost slammed his face on the table) and replied, “Truth.”

‘Mione smiled like Christmas had come early, and then said, “You like someone, right, an’ if so, ooh?” ( **A.N.** The last word is ‘who’)

Blaise’s smirk turned into a full on smile, and then he said, “Well, o’ course I  _ like  _ someone. And ‘m not ans’ering the other ‘uestion, ‘cause that’s two ‘ruths. ‘O hah.”

Hermione frowned at him, and as soon as ‘Mione frowned, Pansy noticed and flipped him off. Blaise stuck out his tongue at her like he was five. 

“Mmm, anyway, Ron, ‘ruth er ‘are?”

Ron looked shocked that Blaise had picked him, and then just decided to go with it. 

“‘Are, ‘ause ‘m a ‘ucking  Gry’in’or.” 

Blaise smiled like a maniac, and then said, “I ‘are ‘ou to ‘iss the hottest person ‘n the ‘oom.”

Pansy hissed at Ron, and then moved to sit in front of Hermione, making it clear that he would  _ not touch her fiancée.  _ And that was final. 

But that measure wasn’t needed. Ron leaned right in and kissed Blaise. 

I literally fell out of my chair. 

My glasses fell off, and I started cursing, ‘cause I’m blind as a bat without ‘em. Literally, Voldemort would have no problem defeating me if he said, “Accio _ Harry’s glasses. _ ” I’d be done for. Speaking of  _ Accio… _

“ _ Accio  _ glasses!” I said, and they flew straight into my hand. 

Oh, wait. Did I just do wandless magic?

I sat up quickly, and shrieked like a girl. 

Ron and Blaise didn’t stop snogging. 

But Pansy and ‘Mione did. 

“‘MIONE! PANSY! I JUST- I JUST- DID  _ WANDLESS MAGIC! _ ” 

Hermione shrieked too, and then said, “Really ‘Arry? It’s no’ just a ‘runken ha- halluci- hallucina- nations?”

I shake my head quickly, which is quite painful. 

“No, ‘Mione, I ‘id it. I ‘eally did it.” 

Pansy clapped her hands together and squealed. 

“Well ‘hat ‘re ‘ou waitin’ ‘or? Show ‘s!” 

“‘Et a ‘igarette of ‘ours on the ‘able, ‘Ans.”

Pansy reached into her purse, which was sitting on the floor next to her, and almost face planted. She finally grabbed a damn cigarette, and then set it on the table. 

“ _ Accio  _ cigarette!” I said, and then held out my hand. The cigarette flew straight into my hand. 

Pansy and Hermione stood up and did a happy dance of sorts. It was quite funny. It involved them waving their hands around, shaking their butts, and squealing loudly. I laughed. 

“HARRY CAN DO FUCKING WANDLESS MAGIC! HARRY CAN DO FUCKING WANDLESS MAGIC!” they sang. 

The best part was that Blaise and Ron were still snogging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HARRY CAN DO WANDLESS MAGIC, FOLKS.


	22. Hangover

This is one hell of a hangover. 

I have a horrible headache, and I can’t remember much about last night except being hammered. 

It kinda comes back in a flash. 

Not really though, because it’s just one thing. 

I can do wandless magic.

I can do _wandless magic!_

Only pretty powerful wizards can do that. And I mean _powerful_ wizards. Voldemort himself can barely do it. 

So what does that mean about me? 

I mean, I’ve never been particularly good at anything, except DADA, I suppose. So to be magically powerful? That’s just a bit much.

* * *

I accidentally fell out of my bed, trying to get out. I stand up, groping around the nightstand for my glasses. I slip them on, and then find that I have a potion sitting on my desk. There’s also a note. 

_Dear Harry Potter sir,_ it says in horrible, and I mean _horrible,_ handwriting. 

_Dobby the house elf, sir, has written to say that he has left you a Hangover potion, sir. Dobby helped Harry Potter and his friends home last night, sir, and is hoping that he was helpful to Harry Potter, sir. Dobby is always ready to help Harry Potter, sir._

_-Dobby the House Elf_

Harry chuckled. You really had to love Dobby.

* * *

“Moring Ron, ‘Mione.” I said miserably, sitting down on the table. 

Ron had his face on the table and wasn’t touching his food, and Hermione wasn’t reading. Which says a lot. 

I grabbed a piece of bacon, and waited for a response.

“Morning, Harry.” Hermione said finally, after looking up from her plate. 

My head hurt, and all the noise in the Great Hall was doing nothing to make it better. 

“Do you guys remember any of last night?” I ask, wondering if I was the only one who didn’t remember everything. 

Hermione shook her head a bit, and then stopped to rub her temples. Ron made a miserable groaning noise, and then muttered a no. 

We all sat in silence, which was quite unusual. I munched on some bacon, trying to will my headache away. 

“So, Harry, I was thinking.” ‘Mione paused to rub her temples, and then continued. “You should practice your wandless magic. It’s an amazing skill, and I would kill, well, not really, to be able to do that. I researched it a bit this morning, and only powerful wizards and witches are able to do it. It’s a rare skill, and I think that you should practice it. It’d be quite useful. It’s almost like casting a non-verbal spell. Speaking of which, have you guys been able to do those yet? I’ve got mine down.”

I picked up my wand, and then pointed it at my fork. It was difficult, but I managed to summon it. 

“Good, Harry! How long have you been able to do this? Imagine the possibilities if you could cast non-verbal spells _and_ wandless magic together, it would be… oh, the possibilities! It’s all _so exciting!_ ” 

Her voice is a bit too loud, and I put my face in my hands. 

“Thanks, ‘Mione.”

She moves on to the next subject without even acknowledging me. 

“So, wandless magic is complex, and hard, and apparently it’s tiring to do, so that’s why most wizards prefer to just use their wands. But, the thing is, wandless magic is more powerful. Almost like a force of nature… Anyway, let’s say you were to cast a healing charm. If you were to place your hands on the person that you were healing, per say, and cast the charm, it would be much more powerful. It’d heal the person much more effectively, for one, but would also heal them much quicker. It’s quite a gift, Harry. Anyway, it’s quite taxing, and most wizards or witches pass out after casting powerful spells the first few times. That’s why it’s better to practice. It’s like working out, the more you practice, the stronger you become. And when you use it, it’s like flexing a muscle. So, again, I think that you should practice.”

That’s a bit too much for my brain, at the moment, and I just nodded, and then said, “Only if you’ll help me, ‘Mione.”

Hermione squealed, and then said, “Practice tonight, at 9:30? Pansy has to go back to the hospital at nine, so I’ll be free then.”

“Sounds good, ‘Mione.”

She smiled, and then took a huge bite of hashbrowns.

* * *

We met up with Pansy and Blaise on our way out of the Great Hall, and they both looked the same as Ron. Speaking of Ron, he had yet to talk this morning, and was moaning miserably every few seconds. 

Pansy _did_ look a bit better than Blaise, but not by much. Hermione went over to Pansy immediately and wrapped her arms around her, stroking her hair. Blaise slumped against the wall, tipping his head back. 

And here I thought that all Slytherins were hardcore drinkers. Slytherins didn’t _get_ hangovers, according to Draco. 

_Stop it, stop thinking about him- Think about Ginny, think about Ginny._

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Hermione said quietly. 

Pansy moaned, shoving her face into ‘Mione’s shoulder. 

“Do you remember anything about last night?” I ask, wondering if they did. 

“Nooooooooooo” Blaise said, the ‘o’ going on for a long time. 

“Pansy said no,” Hermione informed me. 

“Us either.” I said, and Ron gave a small nod in agreement, shoving a hand through his hair. 

“We should probably go to DADA… ugh, I don’t think I can deal with Snape right now.” Hermione said. Pansy held on tighter, and Hermione started to remove herself. Pansy just whimpered, and she held on tighter. Hermione just gave into her, sighing, and said, “If Snape asks, I’m out sick. Bad cramps.” I nod, and then sigh. Girls can _always_ can get out of class with cramps. All of the male teachers just nod, look a bit sick, and then point to the door. It even works with Snape, for some reason. Actually, I know that there’s a potion to get rid of the pain, but for some reason the male teachers don’t seem to remember that. McGonagall does, though. She keeps it on a shelf behind her desk, and hands it to any girl who uses the excuse. If you watch, some girls gulp it down, and you know that they actually have bad cramps, and some just set it aside. 

But anyways, what ‘Mione and Pansy are doing reminds me of a time Draco was drunk.

* * *

_He whimpered, and clenched onto me tighter._

_“Come on, ‘Arry? ‘Lease stay?”_

_He’s so damn_ _cute and cuddly right now, it’s hard to leave._

 _“Dray, I told the guys that I’d be in the Common Room for_ **_-_ ** _uh- well, I told them I’d be in the Common Room. I gotta go, they’ll think it’s weird if I’m not there. I’m always there.”_

_He whined, and I stroked his back._

_“But… but… but-”_

_I really don’t want to fight him on this. He’s just so… this just isn’t like him. All open and needy and cuddly. Most of the time he’s sarcastic, which is quite funny, and doesn’t really… well, I don’t know. He’s just guarded. So this is a nice change, having him be all needy and snuggly._

_He was snuggled into my chest, and I had my arms around him. His face is nestled into my chest._

_“That’s not very good reasoning.”_

_“I know. ‘Ut wha’ else ‘s there ‘cept I wan’ ‘ou here? I ‘ove you, ‘Arry, even if I don’ say so. An’ I wan’ ‘ou here.”_

_He’s never said he loves me before. I’ve said it, but he never has._

_Dammit,_ _Dray. Did you have to make it that much harder to leave?_

* * *

I walked into Snape’s classroom, holding Ron up. Thank Merlin that Snape wasn’t here yet. I sat down at a desk, and Ron flopped into his chair. He moaned, and then I pulled out my text book. 

Snape chose to walk in a few seconds later, his robes billowing out behind him. 

Snape went to the front of the room, turned around, and then his eyes scanned us. He went from left to right, and his eyes stopped when he saw Ron. 

I about fell over from shock. Oh my god, Snape was smiling. _Smiling. Like a normal person._

I suddenly wished that I had gotten sick this morning. 

“Turn to page 596.” ( **A.N.** *Cough* 394 *Cough*) he said, picking up a big pile of textbooks. He then proceeded to drop them loudly, and Ron groaned almost as loudly. 

Snape’s smile got wider. 

“Sorry about that.”

Did Snape just say _sorry?_

Oh fuck. We’re in for a wild ride today. 

The lesson went on as normal, and his smile ebbed away after a few minutes. He dropped multiple things throughout the lesson, and his smile always returned when he did. I think Ron’s head is going to split open.

* * *

“Okay, Harry. I thought that we’d start with some simple spells at first, and then slowly work on harder ones. I have a list of spells we worked on in our first year, and I’d thought we’d start there, if that’s okay with you?”

I nodded. 

“First of all, there’s _Wingardium Leviosa._ Shall we start there?”

I give another nod, and she sets a quill on the table. 

She holds her hand out, and I stare at her for a second. 

_What does she want?_

Oh, I’m a idiot. I hand her my wand, which I didn’t even realise that I was holding. She pockets it, and then I hold my hand out. 

“ _Wingardium Leviosa!_ ” I say, and the quill shakes a bit, but stays on the table. 

“That’s okay, Harry, most people don’t get it on their first try. Let’s try again, shall we?”

“‘Kay, ‘Mione”

I shake my head a bit, and then concentrate. 

“ _Wingardium Leviosa!_ ” I say, and the quill hovers for a bit, and then falls back to the table. 

Hermione shoots me a smile, and says, “Concentrate, Harry!”

I focus, and then say, “ _Wingardium Leviosa!_ ” 

The quill floats up, and stays put. 

Hermione and I start dancing around.  
“You did it, Harry! YOU DID IT!”

I laugh, and then hug her. 

“Harry! Yay! This is amazing!”

“Thanks, ‘Mione.”

“Of course. Well we should keep practicing that, we could also try _Alohomora._ Maybe we could just… well, um… oh! We could practise on this cabinet, over here. The key should be somewhere around here…” She got up, and started looking by the cabinet. 

“Aha! Right here.” She placed the key in the lock, twisted it, and then pulled the key out and set it in her pocket. 

“Okay, Harry, just concentrate on what you want done. Concentrate…”

I stuck my hand out, and then said, “ _Alohomora._ ” I paused, and Hermione rattled the handle. The door didn’t budge. “Nope.” 

“ _Alohomora!_ ” I said, this time with more enthusiasm. Hermione rattled the handle again, and then shook her head. 

“ _Alohomora!_ ” Another shake of the head.

“ _Alohomora!_ ” The door stayed put.

I was determined now. 

“ _Alohomora! Alohomora! Alohomora!_ ” I practically shouted. 

Hermione tried the handle again, and then frowned. 

“Concentrate, Harry!”

“ _Alo-ho-mora!”_ I said, and then a burst of white light shot out of my hand. The door shot open, and I fell over. When I looked at Hermione, she was on her butt, staring at me, her mouth wide open. 

“Did- what- what did I just do?”

Hermione paused. 

“I think that you opened the cabinet,” she said, her voice a tad wobbly. 


	23. Ice Skating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DRACO IS BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, I’m back. AND SO IS DRACOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Lol, guys, this story has been horrible the past few chapters. I AM WORKING HARD TO MAKE IT BETTER, so please stick around? The climax is hitting on chapter after the next. Soooooooo, my boys’ll be getting better soon. (Ish)  
> Anyway, please keep reading? It’s gonna get better, and the last few chapters have been quite boring to write. So, please? I appreciate all u guys being like ‘WHERE THE FUCK IS DRACO’ and I’m like ‘DAMN GUYS YOU’RE RIGHT THIS STORY HAS BEEN SHIT... SO I’M GONNA FIX IT!’  
> Anyway, I’m gonna work real hard to make this better, so please stick around!

I think that I’m just done. Just fucking done. I have nothing left anymore. Just nothing. 

So I keep thinking about Harry, because I’m going to die someday. Someday soon.

* * *

_I watched as Harry did laps around the lake, his skates moving quickly as he glided around backwards, his hands in his pockets. He was going fast, and everyone who wasn’t very good at skating tried to stay out of his way. He moved quickly, switching between going sideways, backwards, and forwards. He’d switch directions sometimes, and I watched as some first year dove out of the way when Harry headed towards him._

_I have to ask him where he got so good at this._

_I was a bit jealous, if I’m being honest._

_Lots of older students are out on the ice, and some of them are holding hands, being all cutesy couples. If someone were to ask me what I thought of it, I’d make gagging noises, but I really, secretly, wished that I was them. Secretly, okay? I’m a hopeless case, and I secretly really like all that cutesy couple stuff even if I don’t ever say so. I’m the type who reads Veela Romances in my free time. But if anyone were to ask, I’d scoff so hard that their ancestors would feel it._

_I watch as Harry makes his way over to me, and I resist the urge to run away screaming._

_“Why aren’t you skating, Dray?” Harry asked me, as he made his way to me. I shook my head, and looked away._

_“Come on, Dray? It’ll be fun, I promise I won’t knock you over!” Harry said, and I glance up at him, and then back at the tree that was near me. I was sitting on the edge of the lake, a book in my lap. Not that I was reading it. I was too busy watching Harry to read._

_I shake my head again._

_“Come on, Dray, it’ll be really- wait,” he said his brows furrowing. “You can’t skate, can you?”_

_I blush, embarrassed, and then try to look anywhere that isn’t Harry. He reaches out and grabs my chin, jerking it softly towards him. I blush even harder._

_That’s the thing. I’m so pale that when I blush that my neck and face go completely pink and there’s no hope of hiding it. It’s really embarrassing. And, once Harry figured this out, he always did everything in his power to make me blush. In public, he always said things (Sexual jokes_ _, in particular) that made me blush. I really hate him for it. (Or maybe I don’t. He’s just utterly embarrassing.)_

_“Of course I can skate, you-”_

_“Then show me.”_

_I look up at him, and in a very childish way, stick out my tongue. Harry laughs. He’s so damn_ **** _hot when he laughs._

 _“Fuck_ **** _me.” I moan, and bury my face in my hands._

_“Sounds good.”_

_If it’s even possible, I go even more pink. I think that my ears are probably red, at this point. You know what, scratch that, my face is probably as red as a Weasley’s hair._

_“Come on, Dray, you can just hold onto me and we’ll skate around everyone in circles. It’ll be super fun! No one’ll ever know that you can’t skate.”_

_I think, and then mutter a no._

_“What was that?”_

_“I said, ‘no’.”_

_“Yes? Okay, let’s go find you some skates.”_

_“I said no, Potter.” (_ **_A.N._ ** _Pottah)_

_“Come on, Sweetheart! It’ll be funnnnnn!” He drags out the ‘n’._

_He grabs me, pulling me out to the ice._

_“Potter! (_ **_A.N._ ** _*cough* Pottah *cough*) Put me down!” I screech, and he just replies, “You leave me no choice._

_He transfigues my boots into skates, and I flip him off._

_“Those were expensive, Potter! I’m not kidding, you can go to hell_ _-”_

_He shakes his head, and then says “We can always just transfigure them back, Dray.”_

_“Don’t you ‘Dray’ me-”_

_He grabs my waist and starts skating around backwards, and I squeal._

_“Stop it, Potter! Stop it!” I say, and he just skates faster, laughing._

_It’s scary, going this fast. I clutch onto his hands as hard as I can. It worries me that he only glances backwards every few seconds._

_It’s kinda fun, too. My skates glide over the ice, and I feel free. Potter’s smiling like a bloody idiot, and I want to kiss the stupid smirk off his face._

_I smile involuntarily, and Harry smiles even wider._

_“Fun, isn’t it? I learned how to skate when I was little… found a pond, and used Dudley’s old skates. I fell down a lot at first, but eventually I got the hang of it, and I got faster and faster. Dudley couldn’t skate, so he could punch me or anything when I was skating. It was really great for me…”_

_I furrowed my brows, and then said, “Who’s Dudley?”_

_Harry shook his head, his eyes darting away from my face._

_“I’ll tell you later.”_

_I don’t buy it for a second, but let it go._

_It’s a lot of fun, doing this._

_The best part is seeing Harry smile._

* * *

Hell. That’s one of my favorite memories. We had so much fun that day…

That was a huge monument in our relationship. Were I trusted him enough to… well, I hadn’t placed much trust in him until then. I didn’t fall once that day. 

I tighten my grip on my knife, and I lift it up to my forearm. I’ve cut a lot in the past few days… more than I probably should. I’ve lost a lot of blood. If I cared about it, I would probably cast a few healing charms. I cast one blood replenishing charm, but I’ve always been shit at healing charms. And I’m going to get lots of scars… not that I’ll be around much longer to look at them. I’ve been thinking about ending it. It seems easier than going on, like this. Much easier. 

I’ve also been wanting to try something. 

I place the blade horizontally across my wrist, and then push push in. It hurts a lot, and I feel a few involuntary sobs work their way out of my throat. The tears slip down my cheeks, and I try to not cry. I keep pushing, going directly under my mark, and lift up once I reach the end. It’s so bloody that I can’t see anything, and, even though I don’t really care, I don’t want to die just yet. So I mutter a healing charm, and it barely works. It seals the cut a bit, stops the bleeding a tad, and I stare at my arm. I peel the bit of skin that I cut off up, and there’s more blood. If the Mark works like a Muggle tattoo, it’s only inked into the top layer of skin, and I cut that off, so it shouldn’t be there anymore, should it? I hope that I got rid of it… then I could be free. Nothing holding me back. I could go back to the way things used to be…

Most of all, I’d do everything in my power to get Harry back. He might not want me, but…

That is, if this works. 

_I could actually have a life again_.


	24. Faded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just a quick thing, I know this chapter doesn’t center on Draco, but next chapter will. Also, the first part of the chapter takes place after classes, and right before dinner. Second part is dinner, but that should be obvious once you read it. So, guys, NEXT CHAPTER IS THE CLIMAX! Eek! Anyway, thank you guys for reviewing! It’s so great to hear from you!

“Hey, Harry?” Ginny asks me, pushing herself out of my lap. 

“Yeah, Ginny?” I say, playing with her hair. 

“I… I have something to tell you.”

I arch an eyebrow. She sounds nervous. 

“And?”

She shakes her head, and then says, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean, you can’t do this anymore? What is ‘ _ this _ ’?”

“Harry, I- I think that I like Luna.”

Realization washes over me. 

“So you’re gay?” I say, honestly curious. 

“Harry, I know you have reason to be mad- wait, what?”

“So you’re gay?” I repeat, and I try to talk in a ‘I don’t care, but I’m honestly curious’ tone. 

“Oh! Uh, I’m actually bi, but I think that I’m into Luna. She’s kinda cute.”

“Yeah, she is. Did you just figure this out?” I ask her, and I drop my hands, realizing that she’s trying to break up with me, and I probably shouldn’t be playing with her hair. 

“Yeah, I did. I would’ve never gone into this relationship, Harry, if I’d known that it’d end this way-” 

I shake my head. 

“Nah, Gin, it’s all cool. I’m actually hung up on someone else, and I was thinking about breaking it off, too. And you’re right, Luna  _ is  _ cute. I guess that I have a thing for blondes.”   
“Yeah, they’re just so- Sorry, I just… well, you’re really not mad?” I shake my head again, and then say, “Not at all. Have you come out to anyone else yet?” 

She looks away nervously. “I.. I haven’t yet, but I think I am soon. This is going to sound horrible, Harry, but I- I kissed Luna yesterday. I cheated on you! I can’t believe that I did that…”

“Nah, it’s fine, Gin. I see you more as a sister, to be honest. It’s just that you seemed like a good choice when it came to getting a girlfriend.”   
“Ahhh, thanks Harry.” She leaned in towards me, and then said, “Thanks for being so supportive… I thought that this conversation was going to end with yelling and screaming, so this means a lot to me.”   
“Anytime, Gin. I’ve always got your back.”

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then headed to the portrait hole.

* * *

“What do you  _ mean _ , Ron, you haven’t started your essay for Snape? It’s due tomorrow!” Hermione says, glaring at Ron. 

“Really, mate, what are you thinking?” I ask, stabbing a potato. 

“Well, I… I don’t know! I  _ might  _ be able to finish it tonight, if I don’t sleep at all…”   
“Ronald Weasley! You will  _ never  _ leave your work undone this later, ever again, or I will owl your mother! Promise me?” 

Ron knew that he had no choice, facing the wrath of angry girls is something that one must avoid at all costs. 

“‘Kay, ‘Mione, I will.”

‘Mione nodded, satisfied. We began to eat in silence, and something nagged at the corners of my mind, interrupting my thoughts every few seconds every time I forced my brain away from the thought. 

_ Why wasn’t Draco in class today? _

It’s none of your business anymore.

_ But what if he’s hurt? _

That’s none of your business, either. 

_ Well, is it right to let anyone suffer? _

Uh, no, but he’s got friends to help him. 

_ Who, Harry? Who? _

Pansy, Blaise-

_ Pansy’s gone. Blaise is... well, you can’t exactly count on Blaise. So you were saying? _

I-

_ Checking the map wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it? It’s in your bag, no need to go get it.  _

Well, I suppose not, but-

_ Just. Check. The. Map. _

Okay, fine!

I pull the map out of my bag, and mutter, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” and the map slowly showed up. I checked the Slytherin Common Room, and where his dorm was, and his name wasn’t there.  _ Maybe he’s sick?  _ My eyes darted to the Hospital Wing, and no such luck. 

_ If he’s not there, then where is he? _

My eyes dart all over the map, trying to figure out where he is. I had almost given up when I spotted his name.  _ He was in Myrtle’s bathroom? _

And his name fading?

I practically jumped out of my seat, (No, I  _ did  _ jump out of my seat) and I ran straight towards Myrtle's bathroom as fast as I could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh! Cliffhanger, folks. Also, almost everyone is gay in this story, so, uh, yeah. I love gay energy. Also, can you guys guess what house I’m in? I’m almost 100% sure that- well, never mind. Love you all!


	25. Blood

I was sure that I had never run this fast before. My legs were pumping, and I felt like I was flying. But that wasn’t the point.

My thoughts spiraled around in panic, and eventually I forced myself to calm down. 

_What would ‘Mione do? What would ‘Mione do?_ I thought to myself, clearing my head. 

_She would access things, and then decide what to do._

Okay, what did I know?

_Well, you know that Draco is in the second floor girl’s bathroom, possibly with Moaning Myrtle._

_He skipped classes today, and yesterday._

_His name is fading._

So, what does it mean that his name is faded? 

_Well, you’ve seen that a few times. Most of the time those names are moved to the hospital wing. Quickly._

That’s not good. 

Could Draco be hurt, or worst, dying?

_It’s a possibility. A very likely possibility. So, what are you going to do if that theory is correct, which it most likely is._

I- uh…

I don’t have much more time to consult with the voice in my head that sounds strangely like Hermione, as I make it into the bathroom. 

My eyes sweep the room, and there, in the middle, is Draco.

_He’s okay._

Wait. No. He’s on the floor. 

And there’s blood. 

Way too much of it. 

I practically apparate over there, and I pull him into my lap, holding up his head and his shoulders. 

“Dammit,Dray!” I hiss, my eyes raking up and down his body. I tear off his shirt, looking up and down his chest. There’s blood all over, and it’s hard to find where it’s coming from. 

“You… you weren’t… weren’t supposed to… to find me…” he said, and then coughed. 

_No no no no no no no-_

_Shut the fuck_ _up, Harry!_

My head was consumed by two words. 

_Help him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is angsty. 
> 
> I listened to the song Home, by Cavetown the whole time I wrote this chapter, so go check it out, it’s a great song. (Sad, though.)  
> Also, my poor boys. That’s all I have to say.  
> And one more thing. I‘m convinced that the voice in his head is Hermione. So, yeah.


	26. Heal

Hermione and Ron watched as Harry sprinted out of the room, attracting lots of eyes. He bolted out, Marauder’s Map in hand, and Ron’s mouth fell open. Hermione stood up, and said, “Come _on,_ Ronald!” Ron stood up, and they ran out of the hall after him, watching as he turned the corner.

That’s what best friends are for, after all.

* * *

I struggled for something to do. My brain kicked in, and I pulled out my wand. “ _Claudere secat! Claudere secat! Claudere secat!”_ I said quickly, but I was really bad at healing charms. I suddenly remembered that Draco was, too. 

“Dammit, Dray! Stay with me, come on!” I shouted. 

His eyes were dull and he looked like he was looking at me and not seeing anything. And then they close. _Don’t die, yet, Dray, don’t, please don’t, I’m begging you-_

The door burst open, and Hermione burst in, followed by a panting Ron. 

“What’s- Harry? Draco?”

I looked up at her, pleading with my eyes. 

“Help me, ‘Mione,” I pleaded, my voice breaking.

* * *

Harry looked up at me with the possibly most terrifying expression I’ve ever seen. 

His eyes were wild, and it was the expression of someone who was utterly helpless, terrified, worried, hopeless, and scared. 

I had to help him. I just simply _had to._

* * *

Hermione’s eyes went from scared to determined in a second. 

_What if he’s not okay?! Dray? HELP HIM, HARRY, HELP HIM!_

My brain spiraled around in panic. 

“Harry, you need to heal him.” Hermione said, kneeling down next to me. 

“I tried, ‘Mione, and your healing charms are much better than mine-”

“No, Harry, you don’t understand. You need to heal him _using wandless magic._ ” 

Realization washed over me. 

“Oh.” I say, my voice blank. 

“It’s now or never, Harry.” Hermione says, her voice softening in understanding. 

I place my hands on Draco’s chest, and I don’t even think of an incantation. I think about closing the cuts all over him, and I pour my magic into him. It feels like I’m a bottomless pit, I just push it into him, focusing on his chest.

* * *

My vision swims, and there’s black spots. 

I thought this bathroom was abandoned. I would have decided to end it somewhere else if I had known that…

Harry somehow found me. 

He wasn’t supposed to. 

Now he’s going to save me like he saves everyone, and I know that it’s not because he loves me. It’s because he saves everyone. It’s his thing. Huge savior complex. So it’s nothing personal. Just saving me because his conscience wouldn’t let him leave me here. It’d torture him. Again, it’s nothing personal. 

Dying is not as good as I thought it’d be. 

And then I hear this:

“Dammit, Dray!” 

I don’t pick up on the next part. 

He just called me Dray. 

_What?_

* * *

Harry’s pouring himself into Draco, more than I thought was possible. I keep waiting for him to pass out, but he doesn’t. The wounds are closing up slowly, more slowly than I’d like.

I think I see Draco move his arm a bit, but before I can make more of it, Ron taps on my shoulder. “What should I do, ‘Mione?”

I look at him seriously. “Go get Madame Pomfrey.”

He stands up and runs out.

* * *

I’m trying, Dray. I really am. I’m pouring as much of my magic into you as I can, but the wounds are closing too slowly. Much too slowly. I’m going to pass out soon. This is too much.

* * *

I hear the door open loudly, and I crack an eye open and see Granger and Weasel. I hear her ask something, but I don’t bother to listen closely. I know I’m going to die at this point. I don’t have enough let for anything. Except Harry. I’ll do whatever I can to stay. For Harry. Just for Harry. 

I hear him plead with Hermione, asking her to help him. With what? I’m a lost cause, Harry. I did this to myself. This isn’t your fault. If I die, it isn’t your fault. 

There’s so many things I want to say to him, but I can’t find the energy to. 

I watch as Hermione grabs Ron’s hand. 

_What about Pansy…_

No, I’m sure they’re fine. They’ll be fine. Granger has to be there for Pansy, if I die. Which I’m going to. Nothing can save me now. I’m bleeding onto the floor. 

I find it in me to listen to Hermione and Harry. This is going to be the last few things I hear, and this might be better than dying in silence. Harry’s trying to save me. To bring me back. Even if he’s just doing it because of his savior complex, he’s still trying. He’s doing everything he can. 

“Harry, you need to heal him.” I hear Granger say, and I question her mental health. I know that Harry’s almost as bad at healing charms as I am, and I know that Granger is quite good at them. She should be a healer. 

Harry says exactly what I’m thinking. 

“I tried, ‘Mione, and your healing charms are much better than mine-”

She cuts him off, and I want to flip the bird at her. “No, Harry, you don’t understand. You need to heal him _using wandless magic._ ” 

What the fuck does she mean _wandless magic?_ Harry can’t-

Oh. 

_Oh._

Maybe he can?

I miss the next few words exchanged between them. 

I might actually make it out of this. 

Wait. If I make it out of this…

I need to cover my mark. 

I don’t have a shirt on, and I need to cover my mark. 

_I need to cover my mark!_

Dammit, what can I do? I slide my left arm underneath my body. Hopefully no one noticed. 

Granger probably did. 

I feel Harry’s hands on my chest. His hands are so warm, and I’m so cold all of the time now. It’s like stepping in the shower after being out in the cold. 

And then it starts to get hotter. There’s a warm feeling in my arms and chest, almost as if someone had started to concentrate heat there. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable at first, but then it goes from pleasantly warm, hot, and then to uncomfortably hot. I want to scream, it feels like someone set me on fire, but then the feeling subsides and it feels like someone poured sunshine into my veins. It feels good, warm, and if I could bottle this feeling and keep it forever I would. My eyes are closed, and I enjoy the warmth, but then it cuts off. It leaves me feeling cold. empty, and hurt. The pain is back, more so in my legs. But that’s not the first thing that I think about. It’s the fact that the warm hands that were holding me are now gone.

* * *

I watch as Harry passes out. 

He starts to fall backwards, and I whip my wand out, casting a cushioning charm. His head hits the ground, and I silently wish for Madame Pomfrey to show up _now._ Draco’s eyes flutter open, looking around, and I watch as he sees Harry. 

“Nnnnno…” he stutters out, and rolls over with a small yelp. He pushes his face into Harry's chest, and I watch as a few tears roll down his cheeks. He’s saying something, way too quiet for me to hear. I come back to my senses, and I start to cast a few healing charms on Draco, but there’s not much I can do.

* * *

Not Harry. Just not Harry. Don’t take Harry away.

* * *

“No, Harry, please, _don’t die,_ please, it’s not your fault I’m like this…” I hear Draco say, and then it all goes black again. 


	27. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m really sorry, I’m going camping again and I won’t be back until Saturday. HANG IN THERE! Normal updating will resume after I get back.  
> Also, 4,000 HITS!!! Eek!  
> I will answer all of your comments when I get back, so sorry to those who are waiting. All comments are appreciated! They keep this story going!

I wake up slowly, my senses coming back to me one at a time. 

I open my eyes a bit, and I’m greeted by darkness. It’s shadowy and it takes a bit for my eyes to adjust. When they do, I just close them again, doing a quick self-assessment. 

My eyes work. That’s good.

I can smell, still. It smells like bleach and, well, hospital. There’s also something that smells warm…

Someone moves somewhere, there’s a creak, so that confirms that I can still hear. 

I don’t know what to do about taste. But I’m pretty sure that I’ve retained that sense. 

I feel how sore I am, and I try to move my fingers. They all work, which is good. Very good. I then move my right arm, and it hurts. I stop immediately. I shift my other arm a bit too, and it hurts just as much. That’s not very good…

I move onto my legs. I remember cutting deeper there…

I can’t even move them more than a few inches, and it’s extremely painful. Shit.  That’s not good. 

I open my eyes a bit, give them a second to adjust, and then scan the room, going left to right. I’m near the door, and there’s more beds…

I stop. There’s someone sitting in the chair, diagonal to the right side of the end of my bed, a foot away. They look to be watching me. I focus on them, and their tie is the red and gold of Gryffindor. 

Oh, no. No, no, no. It’s Harry. 

Harry’s hair is disheveled, even more so than usual, his robe is hanging over the chair, along with his sweater, and his tie is loose. He’s leaning forward, his face propped up by his right hand, his other is on his leg, and his hand is balled in a fist. 

Oh, fuck.

Harry seems to notice that I’m awake then. 

But Harry shouldn’t be here. What am I going to tell him? 

Harry opens his mouth, as if about to say something, and then closes it. 

His eyes meet mine. I wish that I could say that something passed between us when that happened, but it was just… normal? His eyes were soft, and I wanted to snuggle up into him, let him hold me, and maybe I could be warm. He was always so warm, and it felt like wearing a sweater on when he held me. Which was good, because I was almost always cold. I wanted to have that warm sunshine feeling come back. It was so nice…

Harry finally says something. 

“Why?” he asked in such a dejected, flat, voice that it made me hurt. (More than I already was, of course.) 

We’re still maintaining eye contact, and I break it off, not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell him… but I can’t. I just can’t. These are precious seconds… every second that I’m in his presence is special. I want to bask in the glow. But I also feel a wave of depression crash over me. 

I look up at him, and he’s staring at his hands. We sit in silence for at least ten minutes, or maybe it just feels that way…

I just can’t answer him. 

Eventually, he stands up, grabbing his robe and sweater, wand, and something else. I can’t figure out what it is.

He pulls his sweater over his head, and then dones his robe. He slips his wand in his pocket, and then walks away. 

And then, he disappears. 

Poof. Out of nowhere. I don’t understand how, it’s like he was there one second and was gone the next…

I feel the tears starting to slip down my cheeks. 


	28. Harry's Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!!!!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O M G, I'm so sorry, I've been gone for WAY too long. Like, three+ weeks? Okay, so here's what you guys should know. Two hours ago I had no intention of completing this fic, it was dead to me. And, somehow, it came back to life? Idk, guys. So please enjoy this short chapter, knowing that this fic could have been COMPLETELY abandoned. I'll write a longer one later. Love y'all!

Harry showed up in my room again, a few nights later. I had been sleeping for most of the week that I’d been in the Hospital Wing, so it didn’t really give me a good chance to cry over Harry walking out on me. 

I had been sitting in my bed, trying to fall asleep again, even though I just woke up. It was probably around three a.m., judging by the way it was pitch black around me. 

I heard the door creak, and I glanced over, looking to see who it was. 

_ There was no one there.  _

I started to get a bit freaked out, because,  _ what the absolute fuck? _

But then Harry appeared. Out of fucking no where. I’m not kidding, one second there was empty space, and then  _ Harry just magically appeared.  _

He looked around, checking to see if anyone had seen him. He looked over towards my bed, and then started over towards me. I pretended to be asleep quickly. 

He sat down next to me, and stroked my hair back off my forehead. I was surprised by the gesture… I mean, we weren’t dating, or anything… (Ah, that stings.) 

His hand was still on my forehead, and it trailed down my face, his finger stroking my eyelid, moving down my cheek, and then stopping on my lips. I had a really hard time not opening them. His fingers were warm and rough, and I tried not to remember how many times he had done this, and how I hadn’t even appreciated it. 

I just shut off my emotions, trying not to think about it. 

He laid down next to me, sliding his arm under my waist, and pressing his face into my shoulder. 

_ Wait, what? _

“I’ve missed you, Dray,” he whispered.

_ Again, wait, WHAT?  _

My brain kicked back into full-functioning mode. 

  1. Harry just told me that he missed me. 
  2. I miss him too.
  3. He thinks I’m sleeping.
  4. So that means that he didn’t mean for me to hear that?



I… I...


	29. Just A Piece Of Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK, EVERYONE! And in full swing, too! I want to thank you guys for being so supportive :) and OMG, I’VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS FIC!!! I’m SO excited (!!!) to finally share it with you! MUCH LOVE GUYS, MUCH LOVE!

I don’t know what the fuck I’m even doing anymore. Not that I did, anyway. 

I give it a bit, turning off all of my thoughts and emotions, (I’ve gotten pretty good at that.  _ Unfortunately _ .) wondering if Harry is going to leave soon. He doesn’t. 

I snuggle into his side, (As much as I could without seeming like I was awake) and he wraps his arm around me. I start shifting around, pretending to wake up, seeing if he’ll leave. Again, he doesn’t. I yawn, and then open my eyes. Harry’s still there, but he’s looking away. He hasn’t moved his arm yet. But he will. Soon. I bet you everything that he will. 

I move a bit more, yawning, and then, out of nowhere, Harry asks me, “Why?” 

I freeze, panic running through me, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t run away, for very obvious reasons, I can’t do anything- 

The tears start slipping down my cheeks without my permission. They fall down my cheeks, and I… 

It all spills out in a rush. I start talking, fast, my voice cracking from not being used, and it’s low and then it’s high and it’s just a fucking mess. Harry looks at me, and I swear that I feel his arm tighten. But that’s just my imagination, I think. The tears are coming fast now, and it makes it hard for me to talk. 

“Harry I’m so sorry. So,  _ so,  _ sorry. I didn’t know how to fucking tell you, I  _ couldn’t,  _ I just- You wouldn’t want me anymore and I wouldn’t know what to do if you outright rejected me, and I just- I just didn’t want to tell you, to ruin what you thought of me in your mind, it was stupid, I know, I just didn’t know how else to do it-” I suck in a deep breath, and then say, all in one rush, “You-Know-Who was waiting at the fucking Manor and he said that if I didn’t get marked then I’d die, my parents would die, and I couldn’t fucking do it, I’m a coward, Harry, a fucking coward, and I didn’t do anything to stop it, I don’t know why, so now I’m a fucking Death Eater and that’s who you’re supposed to be getting rid of, and I just  _ couldn’t do it.  _ I don’t know what the fuck to do, then and now, and I’m just this piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to live, and I just- I just-” I heave in a big breath, sobbing, and then keep going. “I’m not fucking good enough for you anymore, Harry. I’m not good enough for anything, or anyone. I’m just  _ not good,  _ and I’m a rotten thing that’s damned to hell, and I just  _ don’t deserve anything,  _ and you’re so good, just so good, and I’m nothing compared to you, I’m just- I’m just-  _ I just don’t deserve you anymore! _ ” he said, sobbing out the last part.

* * *

Harry said, “You aren’t just a piece of shit, sweetheart. You’ll never be that, Dray.”

Then, Harry turned and kissed him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYYAY! *finally, it happened guys, it happened.* I’ve had this chapter planned since the beginning of the fic, so IT HAPPENED GUYS, IT HAPPENED!   
> More fun stuff next chapter :) a bit of humor, hopefully, lots of fluff, and a bit of angst, cuz wtf would this story be without angst. Love you all! ❤️  
> Comments, please!


	30. Scourgify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY! Well, folks, this chapter is shorter than I'd like, but I had SO much fun writing it. The more serious stuff'll come later. Anyway, I have a warning for this chapter.   
> I'm just going to drop it on you.   
> *Pauses*  
> Smut.

Somehow, Draco had ended up on top of Harry. It had hurt quite a bit when Harry picked him up, but he wasn’t objecting to it now. 

Harry thrust his tongue into Draco’s mouth, his lips clashing wildly with Draco’s, trying to get as much as possible. Draco received it, letting Harry take the lead, and he slipped his hand under Harry’s shirt, feeling the soft skin that was so much warmer than his. 

Harry kisses him feverishly, his warm hands holding Draco close, as he rolls his hips against Draco at grudgingly slow pace. It makes Draco feel like he is burning from the inside out. Draco’s worried that he’s going to cum in his pants, honestly. 

Harry unbuttons his pants, and then slips Draco’s pajama pants off, leaving him in just his boxers, and then rolls him over, so that he’s underneath Harry. Draco seems to approve, because he attacks Harry’s mouth viciously. He slowly unbuttons Draco’s shirt, leaving his chest exposed, and he starts rubbing circles around Draco’s nipple, teasing him. Draco moans, enjoying the sensation, and then bucks up against Harry, trying to find some friction against his hard cock. Harry moves from Draco’s mouth, pressing kisses on his jaw, and then down his neck, sucking, licking, and kissing, leaving dark hickeys on Draco’s pale skin. He sucks on Draco’s nipple, flicking his tongue out, and then moves on to the next one, listening to Draco whimpers and whines of, “More, Harry-” and, “ _ Please, more! _ ”. Harry moans as Draco bucks up against him, and then he pulls off his tee-shirt, showing off the hard, muscled, tan planes of his chest. Draco runs his hand over Harry, another clutching Harry’s hair, tugging on it hard enough to make him feel pain, but not hard enough to rip his hair out. Draco’s always shocked by how  _ fucking soft  _ Harry’s hair is, it feels like… like… Honestly, Draco can’t think of a comparison. Harry wiggles his way out of his jeans, leaving them both in just their boxers. Draco tugs his own off quickly, moving down to clutch his own cock, but Harry moves his finger to Draco’s hole, and Draco starts to moan. If this was where it was going… Harry mutters a spell that lubes his finger, and slips it into Draco slowly, so as not to hurt him. It’s been a while, and that’s the last thing Harry wants. He makes it past the muscle ring, and starts finger-fucking him. Draco whimpers, needing more,  _ anything  _ works, just  _ more.  _ Harry slips another finger in, scissoring them around, stretching Draco out so that he’s completely ready. “Just fucking put your cock in me, Harry!” Draco whimpered, and Harry tugs off his own underwear, slipping into Draco slowly. Draco and Harry both moan, both of their senses overloaded. Harry starts to thrust at a slow pace, making Draco bite his lip to keep from screaming. It draws blood, and Harry notices and licks it off Draco’s lip. “Just  _ speed up already,  _ Harry!” Draco says, trying very hard not to sound like a four year old who wants something badly. Harry does, and starts fucking into Draco at an unforgiving pace. Draco can’t help it, he screams, thoroughly enjoying it. Harry kisses Draco, and then sucks on his bottom lip, making it swell. 

Draco climaxes within a matter of seconds, cumming all over Harry. Harry follows a bit later, pulling out, rolling Draco on top of him. They’re both exhausted, and Draco hangs over Harry limply. Soon, he falls asleep, looking like a perfect angel, in Harry’s opinion. He cards a hand through Draco’s hair, and casts a  _ Scourgify,  _ getting rid of the sticky mess, and then pulls the sheet up, covering them. He drifts off peacefully a few seconds later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! They finally had sex again! Eek!   
> I nearly peed myself when I named this chapter, but I didn't want to explain that early, cuz y'all didn't know what was in store for you. Anyway, this is my first REAL sex scene, and I hope it met your expectations. (I know I put that one in the first chapter, but that wasn't good. At all.) So, please comment! Tell me what you thought of it! Anyway, love you guys, xoxo :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please HIT THAT KUDOS BUTTON AND MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY! PLEASE? ALSO, EVEN BETTER, (: REVIEW! THAT MAKES MY DAY!!!!! Or, if you want to suggest something for me to work in, please do! Also, reviews give me motivation to write! Type a few words and keep this story going! (Also, should I add some Pansmoine, Blairon, Ron/Hermione, or Blaise/Pansy?) (Linny is for sure happening!) Ok, thanks!


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